


Climbing Windows

by firestruck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Love Rosie AU, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, bed sharing, childhood friends to adult lovers, jeno is a single dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21767860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firestruck/pseuds/firestruck
Summary: The thing is that Jeno's 4-year-old daughter isn't the only secret he's been keeping from Donghyuck. Add that and the fact he moved out from his Mom's house last summer and you have a soup of lies made to cover other lies. Such as Jeno working in a restaurant and telling Donghyuck he's gotten a raise not long ago so he could see his proud face at least once, when, on the reality, he kills himself every day on a car workshop with a grumpy boss breathing over his shoulder, just waiting for a reason to fire him. Lies keeping Jeno's image intact to Donghyuck's eyes, hiding his pain of being a single father struggling to pay rent while his best friend is on the other side of the world living their dream, sleeping soundly thinking Jeno is just fine.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Comments: 4
Kudos: 157
Collections: ’00 FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	Climbing Windows

**Author's Note:**

> #00118
> 
> it didn't turn out as i expected it to, but i hope you enjoy!! ^^

The oldest memory Jeno has of Donghyuck is probably on the playground in kindergarten, when he was being chased by tiny Donghyuck holding a handful of sand with the intention of making tiny Jeno eat it. He remembers how terrified he felt; the feeling of someone running behind him was absolutely dreadful. He even started crying, before tripping over his untied shoelaces and diving into the sand. All the kids around the playground were laughing at him, clutching their hands over their stomachs and pointing at him as if he was a circus attraction. Jeno spat out the sand in his mouth, expecting to turn around and find Donghyuck laughing at him too. Instead, there was a hand (not full of sand) offered to him and an apologetic smile on his face.

Jeno gave him an embarrassed smile and took his hand, letting Donghyuck pull him to his feet. He could still feel the traces of sand in his hand, but Jeno didn't even try to wipe it off; Not while he still had the taste of it in his mouth, there was no point in trying to clean himself up now.

Donghyuck was taller than him at the time, and the embodiment of the term  _ infant terrible _ ; if it wasn't already obvious while he was trying to make Jeno eat goddamned sand—which he did, after all.

Maybe that's why this memory is the first that comes to mind when he thinks about the start of their friendship: Donghyuck not joining the other kids in their mocking when Jeno found himself in that horrible moment, even though it was his fault in the first place. He helped him stand up, and because he was a bit taller than Jeno, tilted his head a bit to the side to look down in his eyes and ask if he was okay.

Jeno was afraid of opening his mouth to talk and let Donghyuck see the remnants of sand stuck between his teeth, so he didn't say anything, until a teacher took him to the infirmary and he got his mouth and small cuts on his knees cleaned. Donghyuck came to him again on that same day after school, just as Jeno was about to get in his stepdad’s car. He had run up to him and held the door open, startling Jeno, panting while he said, "I didn't say sorry." He offered his hand again to him, this time for a handshake. "Let me make it up to you."

Jeno nodded eagerly before knowing what he was doing and stopping abruptly. He was hoping for it, the day when he could properly talk to Donghyuck, without his group of friends surrounding him like a shield, making him seem unreachable. He'd heard Donghyuck humming to a Queen's song once in class, and since then he had been longing to ask if he was a fan or if it was his favorite song, because it was Jeno's favorite, too.

They didn't become friends right after that. Donghyuck invited him for lunch the next day, but that was it. As if he really just wanted to give him a quick apologizing gesture for the sand situation and then was it. They only became friends some months after, when Jeno's mom was about to have a wedding and invited her highschool friend, which was no one less than Donghyuck's mom.

Jeno remembers how he was waiting to be called to do his duty as ring bearer and sneaked his brand-new iPod to the wedding ceremony, trying to control himself to not headbang to the music. The next thing he saw was Donghyuck's hand coming close to his face and snatching one earplug out, asking him about how he would know the right time to carry the rings to the altar if he couldn't listen. He wasn't reprimanding him, but rather teasing, putting the earplug into his own ear, his eyes widening as he recognized the music.

After that, Jeno got too distracted by blabbing with Donghyuck about the band to notice his cue to go to the altar until his cousin nudged him on his side and yanked him away from the conversation.

Time has passed and they still have the same music taste. As Donghyuck says, great minds think alike, although they can't seem to possibly agree with the Na Jaemin subject, since Donghyuck started friends with benefits relationship with him at the end of junior year, making Jeno go through the fires of Hell every time he found them making out at random spots on school grounds. And he  _ always _ found them, no matter how hidden they were, he'd always been passing by and catching a glimpse of two people and lots of hands and disgusting wet sounds of mouth on mouth.

That's what his life has been throughout these last months, watching Donghyuck occasionally miss classes to meet with Jaemin under the bleachers, even after all the times Jeno has warned him about how his grades are important to be admitted in the college they've been dreaming about since they started high school and began seeing the world differently. They’d promised each other and themselves to go to uni together, study music together, spend the rest of their lives together and doing what they love, and if he keeps failing in any subjects, it’s not going to work. Only that Donghyuck never fails, no matter how many classes he skips, no matter how distracted he seems when he does show up to class, and it’s one less argument against Jaemin for him. Donghyuck has a way into life, as if he’s hacked the world’s system, as if he won the lottery of life, that Jeno can’t quite grasp but only appreciate. It means he is also affected, right? Since he became friends with Donghyuck, his life has been a wild ride and he can’t shake the thought of hanging from a cliff with only Donghyuck’s hand keeping him from falling is a way too accurate analogy for it.

With Donghyuck sneaking around to parties just to make friends who he’ll forget the day after and climbing up Jeno’s window in the middle of the night whenever he feels like cuddling, Jeno realizes the reason of his existence is just to worry about Donghyuck. Whether or not he got home (when he doesn’t materialize in Jeno’s bed at the crack of dawn), if he’s using drugs, if he’s dead in the ditch of a dark alley. He’s been worried with Donghyuck since his father died and Jeno woke up to a loud bang on his window, his heart racing and a scream bubbling in his throat just to see Donghyuck with his face stained with tears and hand knocking on the glass until Jeno got up to open it. Donghyuck slid inside and went straight to his bed, curling up inside the sheets and burying his face in Jeno’s pillow.

He just remembers laying beside him and hugging him so tight that, with each of his sobs, Jeno’s body shook along with his, and one minute after he was also joined his sobbing, because Donghyuck was crying so miserably that Jeno started crying too. None of them got any sleep that night, but when they finally managed to try napping, it was already morning and his mom was knocking on the door and after the initial shock of finding two bodies instead of one on Jeno’s bed, she recognized Donghyuck and his puffy eyes and dried tears. She let them skip school that day, but after calling Donghyuck’s mom and finding out she also had been crying, just like her son, she hurried to the Lee’s house, leaving Jeno to find out through Donghyuck himself that Mr. Lee had died from a stroke the night before, right in front of his own son. Jeno is sure the pancake—vegan pancakes, because at the time Donghyuck still complied with his family’s lifestyle choices—his stepdad had made them that day were not that bad, but at that moment it tasted like the sand he ate in kindergarten. Donghyuck had started crying again, but he seemed so tired, because there were only strings of tears falling down his cheeks, no sobs. Even his facial expression remained the same while he quietly ate the pancakes.

Since then, Donghyuck started to show up in his window so often that Jeno just leaves it slightly open for him.

He used to try to convince Jeno to go out to parties, but somehow they’d always end up cuddling in bed anyway, so now Donghyuck doesn’t even bother in asking, and doesn’t bother going either. He’s stopped going to parties with time. Well, he did, before he started hanging out with Jaemin. At least Jeno still finds him in his bed one way or another, and it’s in Jeno’s closet where his spare clothes and uniform are kept, not Jaemin’s.

But he’s starting to question if all of it even matters at all, watching his best friend run right into Jaemin’s arms, without giving Jeno time to remind him they had planned to visit the new vinyl store that just opened just across Jeno’s street. He has one hand tight on the strap of his backpack, the other beginning to curl into a fist by his side. He hurriedly relaxes his hands, trying to look anywhere but at Donghyuck’s mouth connecting with Jaemin’s.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, patting it as if it's a dog’s head. “It’s okay, man. There are other fishes in the sea.” Yangyang all but teases.

Jeno shakes his head, as if Yangyang’s words are just annoying flies floating through his ears. “That boy is like my brother, Yang.”

The look he gives Jeno is mocking and it goes straight to his nerves. He knows Yangyang is going to say something he shouldn’t, so he cuts him before he has the chance. “Watch what you’re going to say!” Jeno threatens his voice rising the slightest of tones, then he suddenly remembers they’re still at the school entrance and there are people giving him curious stares.

Yangyang descends the stairs, chuckling to himself. “I was just going to state my opinion. But it looks like you already have one yourself.” He smirks, the bastard, the spring wind shoving away his bangs and exposing his forehead. “And I bet is the same as mine."

Jeno rolls his eyes. If he were to get a coin for every time someone comments about their friendship, he would have enough money to go to New York and restart a whole new life for himself. And Donghyuck, of course. It isn't even an exaggeration. The amount of people who have asked them about whether or not they are dating is horribly massive, and it’s weird enough their own moms encouraging them being together. They don’t need the whole town invested into their love life as if they are public figures or even animals in a zoo, and Jeno surely does  _ not _ need his school colleagues looking at him carefully whenever Jaemin is around. When it happens, he just bites his lips and hopes his face is blank enough to convince them that no, he’s not bothered and no, he doesn’t care his best friend is ditching him right now just to make out with other guy and  _ yes _ , he’s just his best friend. It’s not like if you deleted Jaemin’s existence, Jeno would have confessed to Donghyuck last summer or anything.

But it doesn’t matter anymore. Not now, when Jeno moves past them without bothering to say a quick  _ see ya! _ because none of them with reply back, and proceeds back to his house, finishing his day with lots of unconscious thoughts of Jaemin and Donghyuck in diverse scenarios flooding through his head, with Jeno feeling sicker and sicker by the time he brushes his teeth and goes to bed, eager to forget the images of those two dancing in the back of his mind and wait for Donghyuck to come in through his window so he can focus solely on him and the calm sound of Donghyuck’s breath and how his back against Jeno’s chest feels, or how  _ Jeno’s _ back against his chest feels.

There’s not really a certain time for Donghyuck to appear, but it diverges through 11 pm to 1 am, so he’s not alarmed for about the first three hours waiting and forcing his eyes to open whenever they shut in exhaustion, not being able to discern if the noise outside is really Donghyuck or just the branches brushing over the glass.

At 2 pm he begins to worry. Is Donghyuck back at partying? Or maybe he just fell asleep in his own room and is safe and sound under his sheets and Jeno is just paranoid and obsessed and a weirdo.

Nonetheless, he sends him a text. No response. Another text. Still no answer. Donghyuck doesn't even read it. It's okay, Jeno repeats to himself. He's just asleep. But Donghyuck's phone is never on silent, and he would surely be awake after Jeno's twentieth message. Well, maybe there's a possibility his phone is broken or something like that...

But the thought doesn't stop him from hopping out of bed to make sure Donghyuck is completely fine. He can't possibly go back to sleep after the thought of Donghyuck in trouble crosses his mind and makes his heartbeat speed up and blood run cold.

Grabbing his phone, Jeno stops in front of his window, not knowing how to actually make the trek from the window of his second-floor room to the lawn without breaking a leg or two. Yeah, sure, there's a tree right on his face but no way in hell he's going down using that. He's tried climbing one of those in the past and the story ends with him and a bloody nose because he fell face-first on the ground. Maybe Donghyuck has wings and he hasn't noticed, because how can he possibly climb it every night? Jeno is tempted to use the vast knowledge of the Internet to find the answer, but time is running low—at least in his mind—before Donghyuck supposedly ends up dead in a ditch, or just to embarrass himself and wake Donghyuck up in the middle of the night, he tries to reason, but it's really the middle of the night and Jeno's brain is tired and before he can notice, he is putting his phone on the pocket of his pajamas and his long legs off on the windowsill and stepping foot on the thickest and most stable branch he can spot, praying to every deity for the branch to not crack under his weight.

He goes pretty well, digging his nails on the trunk and sliding his feet in the air until he finds a hard surface to step on. Until he misses one, his feet slipping and making Jeno fall on his back. He groans, his limbs are aching but he doesn't know if it is because of the fall or the climb. There's a sudden hustle of movement from inside his house, so he waits for either his mom or stepdad to open the front door and question why Jeno is doing on the lawn at ass o'clock, but none of them come. Jeno can't figure out whether he's relieved or not. He just feels his heart bump with adrenaline and wonders if that's the feeling Donghyuck gets every time he does it.

Donghyuck's house is not that far from his, just at the end of the street, and Jeno hopes no one is awake at this time, and if someone is, he hopes they don't look at the streets right now, because Jeno surely looks like a madhouse escapee, running in the middle of the road on his now dirty pajamas, disheveled head and bloody fingertips because sticking his nails on the tree trunk wasn't the best idea he had.

When he arrives at his house, the way to Donghyuck's window is not only by through the small thin tree but also climbing the walls, because his room is on the second floor, and therefore an impossible task and even considers turning away and going back to bed, or maybe taking a nap right there in the Lee's front porch, but Jeno realizes he's got all the way there and backing down now is pointless. He's already here, staring up at Donghyuck's room, which is dark and a sign that Donghyuck is either sleeping or out, probably the latter, because the window is wide open. But Jeno's going to risk it. You know, like a fool.

With Donghyuck there or not, Jeno will sleep in there anyway. But first he needs to  _ get _ in there so he reaches for the small tree to jump up from the ground and it’s this moment that Jeno realizes that going down is way easier than up. He collects even more scratches and one blister, and when he reaches the wall the bricks are rough on the skin of his sore hands, but he isn’t complaining because he finally grasps on Donghyuck’s windowsill and manages to push his body up and inside the room, unexpectedly falling on a soft and bouncy surface—Donghyuck’s bed.

It’s obvious that Donghyuck isn’t in there, and Jeno can only hope he’s back at going to parties and getting back to school still wasted and end up sleeping in all classes, because he apparently thinks it makes him look edgy. Jeno whips his phone off his pajamas bottoms, swapping his finger through his contacts until he finds Donghyuck’s and sending a couple (several) of messages without thinking, but he is sure some of them read as variations of  _ where are you?  _ and  _ text me back!!! _

Jeno is so busy blowing up Donghyuck’s phone, he doesn't notice another phone going off across the room. It's on the ground, covered up by a piece of clothing, the screen lighting up through the fabric. Jeno pushes it away and swears when he finds it's actually Donghyuck's own phone.

It means that wherever he is, with whoever he is, if Donghyuck isn't with his phone then there's no way Jeno can communicate with him nor find him and if Jeno's senses tingling are correct, there's also no way he can get Donghyuck out of whatever dangerous situation he's in.

Oh, God, what if Donghyuck got kidnapped? No, they would probably have taken the cellphone with them so they could demand money in exchange of him. But still, the thought doesn't soothe his nerves, because Donghyuck isn't in his room—isn't with _ Jeno _ . But it's late and Jeno's is dead tired and he just climbed two trees and he wants to sleep but he's also worried and hungry and he can't possibly sleep being hungry. So he walks back, defeatedly, to Donghyuck's bed and reaches down to get out the box in which Donghyuck stocks all his non-vegan food out of his mom's sight, grabbing a pack of Oreos but widening his eyes when he notices a small box of pizza, with only one small slice inside and by what Jeno can see from the other grease marks around the bottom of the box, representing one fourth of the actual pizza. And, of course, Jeno goes for it. Even though it's cold and greasier than usual and a bit smelly, and even though he knows the taste of it isn't really like the ideal taste of pizza. He just munches on it until the slice is gone, just like himself, already drifting to a dreamless sleep, forgetting to push the box of food back under the bed.

Jeno wakes up to the alarm of his own phone and Donghyuck's mom looking down at him, arms crossed and an indiscernible expression on her face. It quickly comes to his mind that he hasn't shoved the box back to its hidden place and that he just got Donghyuck in a lot of trouble. At least the big part of the trouble won't be Jeno's fault, because, after all, he's on Donghyuck's bed instead of Donghyuck himself. And Donghyuck's mom, just like Jeno, does not approve of her son's adventures.

"Mrs. Lee, he—" Jeno tries to make the situation less concerning and explain why he literally just broke into the house through the window, even though he has a free pass in just for being Jeno, Donghyuck's little childhood best friend.

But she interrupts him with a soft shush. "You don't need to explain anything. Just go to school. You're late." She leans down to grab the forbidden food box up on her arms, and turning to leave the room, but not before saying, "And when you see Donghyuck, tell him he's grounded until he marries."

She leaves, shutting the door and leaving a disoriented Jeno behind to sort out if he should get out through the window or front door. He can't go to school in his pajamas, so he has to hurry back home to get dressed  _ really quick _ if he wants to be at school in time to confront Donghyuck… that is if he is, indeed, at school.

Shaking off unwanted thoughts of Donghyuck being kidnapped, Jeno decides to descend the stairs and use the door, preferring to walk home rather than running like the night before, because he thinks his body took the therm  _ worried sick _ too seriously and made him wake up nauseated.

After getting decent to the best he can be in this situation, Jeno walks to school all alone, just as he’s used to since when a certain someone found getting a two minute ride with Jaemin’s car more entertaining than walking with Jeno. At least his hand doesn’t try to reach an invisible hand in the air anymore, or unconsciously says his name out loud in the start of a conversation that ends as soon as he realizes there’s no one by his side. Approaching the school building, Jeno wants to just ignore Donghyuck’s existence in an attempt of make him feel what Jeno went through last night, with no way to reach him or know how he’s doing, but Jeno’s head is spinning with concern and he can’t go one more second without being sure if Donghyuck’s is there, at school, fooling around like usual, and okay.

And, thank God, with just one quick glance around the courtyard, Jeno detects Donghyuck—without Jaemin, that’s a surprise—sitting on a bench with Renjun, a kid from their grade, by his side, both entangled in cheerful chatter. But before Jeno can take a step closer to them, the bell rings and students rush through the place to go to their first class, making Jeno lose sight of Donghyuck and his friend. He makes his way through the crowd when he spots them again in the hall, bumping in bodies until he is close enough to grab Donghyuck’s wrist and hastily pull it in his direction, bringing a wide-eyed Donghyuck out of the crowd of students and into his chest.

Jeno doesn't know when he wrapped his other arm around Donghyuck while still having an iron grip on his wrist, and he certainly doesn't remember how he ended up pinning him against the wall, and he's sure it must look like Jeno is about to beat him up right there. But he just ignores the curious students and only frees Donghyuck from his grasp and stare when the hall is completely empty.

Donghyuck frowns and holds his own hand, the one Jeno held captive, examining it and bringing Jeno's attention to the red marks of his fingers enveloping his wrist. Swallowing the feeling of guilt, Jeno clears his throat, trying for once to sound intimidating.

"Where  _ the fuck _ were you last night?"

Donghyuck cocks an eyebrow, challenging. "Hi. Excuse me?"

"You were out the whole night without your phone."

He makes a yelping sound. "How did— You were at my house?"

"You didn't show up, then didn't respond to my texts, so of  _ fucking course _ I'd go to your house!" Jeno realizes he's screaming and lowers his voice, looking deep into Donghyuck's eyes. "I don't want a repeat of last time."

Donghyuck lets out a puff of sigh, as if Jeno is a child he's too tired of dealing with, but still smiles at him. "There won't be a repeat. That was  _ one _ time, Jeno. Stop living in the past." He says with an assuring smile, the same hand that now has an imprint of Jeno's fingers reaching for his hand, and Jeno has to look away, because it doesn't matter how many years they have known each other, Jeno will never be able to fully take Donghyuck's stare for more than thirty seconds. He can feel bile on his throat and he doesn't know if it is because of Donghyuck or his restless night—that is also because of Donghyuck.

And yes, Jeno might have overreacted a bit, but it was solely because Donghyuck is his friend and he cares way too much about him. Not because he's chained to his past experiences about almost fainting because of a headache over Donghyuck getting himself into a car crash while wasted and high off whatever blunt they served in those places. Not at all. Especially when that is already traumatic by itself, and Jeno revived the memory every time Donghyuck decides to be reckless. But he doesn't say any of it, because being sarcastic and passive-aggressive isn't really for him.

"Are you not telling me where you were, then?"

Donghyuck snorts and looks to both sides of the hallway before grabbing Jeno's hand and dragging him to the men's bathroom. The abrupt movement makes his head spin and Jeno doesn't even want to hear his explanation, he just wants to lay down right there on the cold filthy toilet floor and sleep until the nausea washes away.

Donghyuck bursts into a fit of giggles, as if he was just waiting for them to be in a private place so he can release the emotions bubbling inside him. "You won't believe it!"

Jeno forces himself to not cringe at the sharp pain on his stomach as he dumbly stares at Donghyuck, waiting for him to finally reveal what has been making him so giddy. He presses a hand on his belly when his stomach makes a loud noise.

Donghyuck doesn't comment on it, although Jeno is sure he's heard it, and goes straight to the point: "Jaemin and I…" Cold sweat starts to accumulate on Jeno's forehead as he painfully waits for Donghyuck to finish his sentence. "We fucked!"

Jeno feels his eyes widen and his jaw drop, only he can't actually  _ feel _ anything, his body, his emotions, he can just feel his stomach churn, and he's not really sure if it's only because of Donghyuck's words or if he's about to—

"Jeno?"

Jeno gulps, uneasy. "That's… that's great, Hyuck. That's—" And in the next second he's bolting to the nearest toilet to spill his guts out, barely hearing Donghyuck's worried yelps behind him.

Jeno wakes up in the infirmary, lying on a thin pillow and cold sheets, a bitter taste on his mouth that reminds him of his vomiting from last time he was conscious. He can already spot Donghyuck at the side of his bed, sitting with his legs crossed and playing a game on his phone with the game’s sound effects resonating through the room, echoing through the walls and apparently waking Jeno up. But when Donghyuck seems to catch his movements, he quickly gets off the phone and sets his attention fully on Jeno, coming a bit too close to inspect his face, flustering Jeno who is starting to feel his face get warm and probably turning in an angry shade of red.

“You fainted.” Donghyuck finally speaks up, tilting Jeno’s head from side to side, as if the reason why he puked his consciousness out of his body could be find just by looking at his flushed face. And maybe it actually does. Donghyuck’s face is serious, with only a tiny bit of amusement, as he seems to always be. “I knew you looked a bit off when you cornered me in the hall, but I didn’t think much of it.”

He lets go of Jeno’s jaw and his head falls gently back into the pillow, and with the same hand he held Jeno’s face, Donghyuck reaches for his hand. He’s too embarrassed and weak to say or react to anything. His head is empty, although he can only think of how Donghyuck has lost his virginity to Na Jaemin of all people.

“I mean, I knew you’d be surprised,” Donghyuck continues. “But I didn’t expect you to freak out.”

Jeno sighs, trying and gathering his forces to speak. “Why did the nurse say?” His voice is rough and tickles his throat uncomfortably, so he coughs.

“She said you are pregnant.” Donghyuck bluntly says, and when Jeno whips his head to look back at him, he sees his shit eating grin, and rolls his eyes, ignoring the slight headache he suddenly feels when he does. Donghyuck chuckles. “Just food poisoning. You’ll be okay.” He admits while tracing invisible patterns on Jeno’s hand, then following his palm lines. “She’s sending you home, though. And I, who’s not only the greatest friend someone could ever want, but also a gentleman, offered myself to walk you home to make sure you get there safe and faint free.”

Jeno rolls his eyes at Donghyuck’s words, but still laughs. “You only want an excuse to skip school.”

Clutching a hand on his chest, Donghyuck widens his eyes at him, as if scandalized. “How can you doubt my intentions?” But then he lets the act fall and laughs along with Jeno, and soon enough they’re out of the infirmary and the school, with Donghyuck fulfilling his promise of walking him home. And even though that a few hours ago Jeno had vomited Donghyuck’s spoiled slice of pizza right in front of the latter himself, and being the reason why Donghyuck will probably be grounded for around a month for hiding non-vegan junk food in his room, Jeno felt a tiny sparkle of happiness, because as they walk, sometimes their hands would brush and remind Jeno how Donghyuck held his hand back at the infirmary, but he quickly brushes the thought off before the grip on his heart tightens, because if he thinks a little bit harder of that moment, it starts to feel as if Donghyuck had never slept with Jaemin.

And as Jeno predicted, so it happens. Donghyuck has currently been grounded, therefore not being able to hang out with Jaemin, for Jeno’s delight, but that also means not being able to see Jeno after school, either. And although Jeno is very aware of the situation, he still leaves the window open in hopes of some fluffy-haired boy come through it in the middle of the night. Donghyuck is known from his rebellious and spontaneous behavior so why wouldn’t he show up? Besides, he’s been hoarding forbidden food under his bed as if it’s some illicit drug, so what is one more little sneaking to his best friend’s room compared to that? Also, he can’t ignore the fact of Donghyuck spent the night sharing a bed with some boy—who isn’t Jeno!—and who he gave his virginity to, and Jeno can only guess how Jaemin treated him: like a desperate horny teenager, too impatient to be gentle and not taking Donghyuck’s pleasure into consideration.

The thought angers him way too much than it should, hands curling into fists and heart hammering, his teeth clenching, but it might be just because of the cold midnight breeze coming through the window and down his bones, even if he’s covered with a duvet. It’s fall and winter is just around the corner, but Jeno is here, window wide open to someone who won’t arrive.

Only he does.

It’s Jeno’s third day sleeping to the freezing air of the outside, and even though he feels as if he’s camping without a tent, the hope of Donghyuck appearing  _ this time _ is stronger than Jeno. Until he hears a loud thud of his window falling shut, instantly regretting his action, thinking it’s a burglar, only to sit up on his bed and find Donghyuck crouched on the ground, wearing a black hoodie, matching cap and a smirk.

"I thought you were grounded," Jeno says after a whole minute of staring.

“I am,” Donghyuck replies with a light chuckle, adjusting the strap of a backpack that he didn't notice until now. “So what?”

Jeno doesn’t respond. He’s not one to complain, either. He just lays back on his bed, waiting for Donghyuck to take off his shoes and settle himself by Jeno’s side, which he does, throwing his cap on the floor and slipping inside the duvet with him, practically forcing Jeno to be the little spoon, placing his chin right on Jeno’s shoulder and the crook of his neck. Jeno just lies there and lets Donghyuck cuddle him like a teddy bear, hoping he can’t feel Jeno’s heart pounding through his back or how his Adam's apple bobs when he unconsciously gulps.

He can’t possibly fall asleep like this, and he’s sure Donghyuck can’t, too, by the way his breathing hasn’t changed since they got in this position. “Hyuck?”

There’s a brief moment of silence, long enough to make Jeno question if he’s wrong and Donghyuck is actually sleeping, until he hums in response.

“Are there any parties we can go tonight?” Jeno practically rips the words out of his mouth.

He feels Donghyuck shifting behind him, and when he looks to his side, he’s supporting his body with his elbow just so Jeno can see his surprised expression. “Well, that’s something I never thought I’d hear coming from you.”

Jeno rolls his eyes, turning back to sleep. “Nevermind.”

“No!” Donghyuck coughs awkwardly. “I mean, yeah, there is! You wanna come along?”

“Yes?” Jeno blurts, not giving a chance for himself to back away.

“Um.” Donghyuck frowns, “Are you asking me? Try again.”

Clearing his throat, Jeno pretends what he’s about to do tonight isn’t completely stupid as he gathers all his sincerity to put into one word. “Yes.”

Donghyuck is jumping out of bed, so he can’t see, but he does  _ hear _ the amusement on his voice when Donghyuck makes a beeline to Jeno’s closet, all ready to pick him an outfit which Jeno will probably regret, when he says with his honey voice, “Then let’s get you ready, shall we?”

After Donghyuck throws him a bunch of clothes on his face and shoos him off his own room so Donghyuck can change himself with Jeno’s clothes, the older starts to feel something on the tip of his stomach that isn’t exactly anxiety over going a place full of strangers, but some sort of anticipation. Even if there will be a crowd of people, who cares? He’s going to be expontaneous and go with his best friend to a party and potentially dance with him and potentially kiss him and blame it on the alcohol he supposedly had and potentially make Donghyuck see him in a non-platonic way and potentially snatch him away from Jaemin’s arms.

But as Jeno walks through the door to change in his bathroom, he swears he hears Donghyuck giggle to himself, and when he sticks his head back into his room to check on him, he finds Donghyuck on his phone, fingers flying over it as he contently types. And although Jeno tries to convince himself it’s not what he think it is, when he comes back into the room with the clothes Donghyuck gave him, his heart drops when he says, “Jaemin is going to pick us up.”

Of course he is.

When Jaemin parks at the house, Jeno doubts there’s a party in there. The house isn’t small in the least—actually, it’s the biggest he’s ever seen in the town—, but is unsettling quiet, contrasting with everything he knows about parties (from Donghyuck and movies), which should be a little louder, a little messier. But as they get out of the car and walk up to the entrance, Jeno can hear the muffled sound of electronic music resonating through speakers, making the doors and windows shake and his hand on the doorknob vibrate.

Before Jeno can turn the doorknob, the door opens by itself, revealing a blonde boy. He seems to wear casual clothes, but Jeno’s been around Donghyuck way too much to know those were of brand, and really expensive. The boy widens his eyes at the sight of Jeno, but quickly changes it when he catches Donghyuck and Jaemin behind him. “Hyuck! Didn’t you say you’d—”

“Can you get someone to show them the way, Lele? I gotta talk to you.” Donghyuck interrupts Chenle, and Jeno can’t see Donghyuck’s face, but he surely does see Chenle’s, the quirk of his eyebrows and the way his mouths slightly opens, as if trying to solve a mathematical question.

But before Jeno can turn to take a look at his friend, Chenle blurts loudly, "Yeah! Yes, yes, uh…" He looks to the side and cups his hands around his mouth, as if his voice isn't blasting enough and calls, "Renjun! Can you take Hyuck's  _ friends _ to the party?"

Another voice shouts back from somewhere inside the house and Chenle sighs, rushing them in and closing the door. He gestures at an open door across the room, and Jeno tries not to gape at the insides of Chenle's house, filled with framed paintings on the walls that most probably must have been bid right out of an auction, antique ornaments that should be in a museum rather than in a party full of drunk teenagers, and to top it off with a chandelier hanging right above Jeno and Jaemin's head. It swings slightly when Chenle shuts the door so he moves to the side, leaving Jaemin alone under it.

“You guys go to the kitchen, Renjun is there. Have fun!” Chenle says before being dragged by Donghyuck into one of the many doors of the house, almost stumbling on his own feet in the process. Donghyuck acts as if he himself is the owner of that huge, shiny, expensive house, making Jeno wonder how many times he’s been in there, or if that’s the only place in this small town that provides the type of entertainment Donghyuck is into.

He also has never seen that Chenle kid his whole life, and yet there is Donghyuck, arms linked with his and going to a place where they can be alone to talk what God knows what that Jeno can’t know.  _ Jeno _ , his Goddamn  _ best friend _ since Donghyuck used to eat play-doh on a regular basis as a child because he thought the salty taste was delicious.

When they disappear inside a room and the door closes itself shut, Jaemin clears his throat and his eyes unglue from the automatic door to look at him. Jaemin is still standing under the chandelier, and Jeno suddenly realizes this is going to be the first time ever in which they finally talk to each other directly. And as expected, the first thing they say to each other is about Donghyuck.

“Do you think he’s cheating on me?” Jaemin questions, but still flashes at him an amused smile to make it clear he’s only joking, Donghyuck would never leave him.

“Chenle seems like a good kid, at least.”  _ Better choice them you _ , he almost says, then mentally slaps himself for thinking that. He still doesn’t get why he’s so dead serious about despising Jaemin. It can’t be only because he’s on this wicked non-committed relationship with Donghyuck, Jeno is not that much of a jerk to the point of hating someone that  _ apparently _ makes Donghyuck happy out of jealousy. Or maybe he is. Oh, God. “And you aren’t even dating.”

They seem to remember collectively about Chenle’s order to go to the kitchen and find Renjun, because when Jeno starts walking out of the entry hall, Jaemin immediately follows his steps, still keeping that annoying million-watt smile on his face. He chuckles. “About that…”

Jeno almost freezes in place, but forces his feet to keep going, one after the other, until the rest of the sentence slips out of Jaemin’s mouth. “We just made it exclusive.” He winks, before hurrying through the small distance left between them and the kitchen’s open door, not bothering to see Jeno’s reaction.  He suddenly stops by the doorstep, and Jeno hurries to catch him, just to realize why he had come to a halt in the first place.

Right there on the kitchen table, the disgusting sigh of Renjun sticking his tongue inside  _ Yangyang's  _ mouth greets them. Renjun doesn't notice the two of them by the door, but Yangyang does, sparing them a glance and managing the beginning of a smile while still sucking face with Renjun.

Jaemin clears his throat, catching their attention and making them rip apart to look at them. Jeno can't even try to hide his disgusted expression while the duo gets themselves together, settling clothes back to their places which thank God Jeno hadn't noticed their full state. After what seems like an eternity of the four of them staring at each other, Yangyang is the first to speak up.

"Hey, Jeno."

"Hey, Yang." He responds back.

"How's the weather like today?"

Jeno rolls his eyes, turning to Renjun. "Chenle...uh, wants you to take us to the party?" Jeno still can't quite grasp why Chenle said it like that, as if the party is somewhere else, even though Jeno can literally  _ feel  _ the music through the walls and floor.

Renjun seems to finally and completely get himself together after spacing out for a bit, making Jeno repeat Chenle's order twice more until he seemed to finally get it. Jeno never tried kissing Yangyang, but he's sure he isn't  _ that _ great at it to make Renjun this utterly dazed. He forces himself to stop questioning his friend's making out skills because that's absolutely disgusting. At least he wasn't the only one there to see it, and the karma actually worked with Jaemin for once. At least now he can see how it is to watch from an outsider's point of view.

"Oh, follow me." Renjun turns to leave the kitchen passing through between them and almost knocking a distracted Jaemin off when their shoulders bump together on the way.

Renjun guides them through the hallway and into what seems like a dead end, which Jeno notices is the loudest part of the house, the floor is fully shaking now, and the faint music can be heard and Jeno starts to think maybe Chenle is so rich his house has speakers playing around every corner until Renjun ducks and throws the carpet to the side, revealing a basement door.

Now, that makes all sense. That's why Chenle manages to throw parties with none of the neighbors calling the police on him. Jeno starts to question why he asked Donghyuck to bring him there the moment he sees Renjun whip out a key to open it, wondering if he'll ever get out of this house. Maybe it was Donghyuck's plan all along: he realized that by just going out with Jaemin wasn't enough to kill him, and now he'll finally end his misery and give him the sweet release of death. Besides, he doesn't trust that Chenle kid. No rich person with a sane mind would live in that town, where the only options of places you can meet up with your friends is a dull coffee shop and a greasy tableless and cheap food chain that locates right beside a gas station that has busted into flames twelve years ago. Jeno hears Jaemin let out a quiet  _ wow, cool _ from behind while they get down the stairs, the music now fully abusing his ears, making Jeno be only a tad bit late to realize that it isn't the stairs Jaemin finds cool, but the sight of the party, right under their feet.

It certainly isn't a basement, and Jeno doesn't know a thing about architecture, but whoever designed that house was either aware teenage kids would use it to their own entertainment or a mafia member. Jaemin seems to be thinking the same, because he yells over the music to Renjun, "Wow! It's a house under a house! Cool!"

"Yeah!" Renjun yells back, purple and blue lights dancing around his face. "Chenle himself told to build it like this!"

Jeno looks down again at the sea of people jumping out of sync to the beat, wearing light wristbands and waving their arms in the air, and he begins to wonder if he just walked into some kind of rave in the middle of the night just out of sheer jealousy. 

Jaemin practically jumps off the rest of the stairs and as soon as he lands on the floor, he heads up to the bar, leaving Jeno alone with Renjun, who looks down at him from where he is, still on the top of the stairs. And as Jeno expected, Renjun puts his hand on the doorknob, "I'll get going. Finish some business, you know." He winks at him and Jeno has a hard time forcing himself to not gag at his words. He presumes is something to do with Yangyang's business too, so he just waves Renjun off so he can get back at it. Renjun laughs and as he's about to shut the door—and lock him inside!—he yells as a farewell, "Tell Jaemin I said that!" before closing the door shut above him and leaving Jeno completely alone.

Jeno ponders over looking for Jaemin in the crowd of sweaty, loud people, but gives up the moment he thinks of it. He's better off alone. He also contemplates of sitting down and wait for Donghyuck to come, and he actually does just this, sitting on the stairs like a loser, or like a lost dog waiting for the owner that passed away, waiting forever for someone as unpredictable as a comet colliding with Earth, only that the Earth is just Jeno's lonely heart.

So he gets up and joins the crowd. And after a few minutes of awkward swinging on the dance floor, Jeno lets himself loose a bit and starts to jump, mirroring the people around him, until he isn't paying attention to Donghyuck's name in the back of his mind and his thoughts get mixed up with the music's lyrics and he even forgets his name is Jeno, and suddenly there's a cup in his hand and a girl wrapped around his arm.

"Hey." She says.

"Hey." He responds.

And after a second cup or third—or five, or knows? Not him—Jeno forgets even what  _ Hey _ means.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The first thing Jeno notices is the lightning. You see, Jeno's bed is right next to his window, though it's adjacent to his bed, so the sun doesn't get on his face, only reaching his lower body and waking him up with the warmth of the combination of sunshine and his duvet against his skin. Well, that is, when  _ Donghyuck  _ isn't the one waking him up, what happens way too often. He knows Jeno hates sweating right when he wakes up, and he hates it more when he needs to shower first thing in the morning because of it, so Donghyuck makes the kind gesture of waking him up before the sunlight can reach his bed.

Only this time, Donghyuck doesn't wake him up, and his face is the target of the bright spring sun. There's a body right next to him, though, and he begins to turn to confront Donghyuck about him really making an effort to kill him before he can even finish senior year, but he doesn't have one single functioning muscle, because his brain is apparently not working today and he feels like a robot malfunctioning. There's a loud banging in his head—no, continuous loud banging, getting progressively louder—, until he realizes it's not inside his head, but on the door, because it suddenly busts open, making Jeno's eyes also snap open wide, any trace of sleep and tiredness gone, for now he can see he's not in his bedroom, and neither is Donghyuck on the same bed as him, because it's him at the door, looking as shocked as Jeno himself.

Donghyuck is frozen at the doorstep, one hand still holding the knob while he eyes Jeno down as if he's a different person. And as his gaze goes lower, Jeno follows and notices he isn't wearing a shirt and a quick glance under the covers tells him he's not wearing anything else, either.

Face burning red (and not because of the sun this time), Jeno reaches for the sheets to cover his naked torso, suddenly feeling exposed at Donghyuck's stare, until he looks past Jeno, and Jeno remembers that  _ there is someone else lying right beside him and it isn't Donghyuck and he's naked and oh my God what did he do what did they do? _

The person gets up— _ she _ gets up. Jeno remembers her. Faintly, but still does. She's the one who kept company to Jeno when Donghyuck didn't show up at all on the party, busy with what Jeno assumed was  _ some business _ with Jaemin. Jeno actually enjoyed her company. She is a great dancer, and funny, and a college student visiting her family on spring break. Although he doesn't remember her name, because when she wasn't talking about how tiring managing a half-time job and a be a psychology student is, her lips were on his, taking Jeno's first kiss all to herself.

Seeing her face stained with makeup and as shocked as Donghyuck is almost made him remember her name, and thank the Lord Almighty she's covering herself with the sheets, because if Jeno sees another naked body besides his own today he's going to combust.

Donghyuck clears his throat, "Jeno. I was... looking for you."

Donghyuck has his eyes wide and jaw slack, and Jeno can see why the situation shocks him so much: Jeno has never been with someone before. Not even properly dating, say _sleeping_ with someone. Jeno can't help blushing at the thought. Wow. He actually... did _it_. He wishes it were another universe where Donghyuck hadn't walked in on him all embarrassed and disoriented so Jeno could rub in his face that he's also joining the not-a-virgin club along with him, but he'll have to throw this joke later, because Donghyuck just turns around and leaves, and Jeno can only spare a quick glance to the girl that he doesn't even know if he meant it to be an apology or confusion. He just darts out of the room trying to reach Donghyuck, just because he thinks it's what he's supposed to do, all the while pulling his clothes (that were on the _floor_ ) back on his body and ignoring that the girl must've had a privileged view of his ass as he walked out the door and into the hallway, realizing he's not in some cheap hotel room, but still in Chenle's house. It's easier this way; he can just blame Chenle for the insane morning he woke up to.

There's a staircase right in front of him, in which he finds Donghyuck midway down. He looks up at Jeno and quickens his steps, what makes Jeno hurry down the stairs trying to catch him, still struggling with the buttons of his shirt. "Hey! Hyuck!" He calls almost desperately once he sees his best friend opening the front door.

Donghyuck pauses with his hand on the door, but doesn't look at him, and Jeno regrets not calling him before if it was all it took to make him stop.

Jeno meets him at Chenle's fancy entry hall, suppressing any memories of last night to cloud his thoughts. "Hey, Hyuck, what's wrong?"

He can't be  _ mad _ at him, can he? He's the one who left Jeno all alone in a party full of people he doesn't care about, vanishing from his side the moment they step foot inside the house, and, yes, it was Jeno's fault to down those drinks when he doesn't have any experience with alcohol and getting himself drunk was his utmost mistake, but he'd done it because of  _ him _ . Because he was too afraid of glancing at the corners and spotting Donghyuck on Jaemin's lap on one of the couches and start to lose it right there. Jeno's never gotten into a fight, but when he let himself drink the alcohol he was kind of hoping to find Jaemin and maybe break his nose and blame his drunken state the next day. Maybe that's it. He's hurt the pretty face of Donghyuck's pretty boyfriend and that's why he's running away from him as if Jeno's got some type of disease and—oh, God, he should've asked the girl if she's clean. Oh,  _ God _ ! Did they even use protection?

Jeno feels like he's about to collapse to the ground, because he's never been in an internal conflict with himself inside his head while drunk, but he can affirm is the worst feeling he felt in a while. But then Donghyuck fake laughs—the fake laugh he uses to awkward meetings with distant relatives—and, well,  _ that _ is the worst feeling he ever felt, because Donghyuck never needed to use it with him... until now. "There's nothing wrong. Why would there be something wrong, right?" Donghyuck rakes his hand through his hair, strands almost getting caught on the button of his jacket's sleeve. "I mean, you got yourself I date! Nothing wrong with that!"

Jeno stares, but Donghyuck avoids his eyes. "Okay."

"Good." Donghyuck nods, hand stroking the door frame’s details as if analyzing it, but Jeno more than anyone recognizes his deep in thoughts face.

There's a quick second of unbearably uncomfortable silence, which kills him inside. It'd never been like this with Donghyuck. "I... uh—"

"Go tell her goodbye or whatever. I'll wait in the car." He says, opening the large double door, making his way to the outside. And, of course, he means Jaemin's car. But before he can get down the porch's steps, he turns back to Jeno, pointing at his pants. "And unless you want to start another round, you better zip up your fly."

Jeno looks down just to see that his fly is indeed open, but he doesn't make any move to fix it, nor he goes back up to the girl, and maybe that's an asshole move, but she had as much to drink as Jeno did, and probably doesn't even remember who Jeno is. They're just strangers. So Jeno just stays there, glued to the floor as he watches Donghyuck go on the search for Jaemin's parked car while Jeno combats the illogical want to explain the situation, tell Donghyuck that she's not his date and he has no memory of what happened.

  
  
  
  
  


Months pass by, school ends and Jeno, fortunately, doesn't get an STD, which he finds out through a visit to the doctor after the thought of himself dying from it eats him alive at the point that he has a breakdown in front of his mom and confesses he had unprotected sex. And, thank God, she didn't lock him inside the house and forbid him from meeting Donghyuck ever again, but that would be because he left the party and Donghyuck out of it.

Although he didn't catch a sexual disease, he does get something out of it.

It's not even lunchtime when Jeno hears someone knocking on the door, too into his game to get up and answer it himself, despite being the closest to the front door, and lets his mom walk out of the kitchen drying her hands with a piece of cloth and go to the door.

He doesn't pay attention to the quick conversation his mom has with the guest before it's too late. The word  _ pregnant _ assaults his ears like a blow to his brain, and it shuts him off the game, the wireless control almost falling from his hand, and it's just like the other day when he woke up disoriented, naked and hopeless questioning his reality.

And then his mom invites her in and Jeno realizes it isn't only her by also her parents, and they find Jeno stretched on the couch, action game in full blast on TV, and he can't feel more stupid. No, he finds he  _ can _ , because after he turns the game off and his mom offers them tea and they begin the  _ talk _ , all Jeno wants is to shut himself off, run straight to Donghyuck and cry his eyes out. Here he is, eighteen, fresh out of high school and having a  _ child _ . He's having a baby. Jeno is going to be a father? A father. A father!

He knows the others in the room can notice he spacing out, but they give him time—for some reason. Jeno would guess they'd want to throttle him for impregnating their daughter. Castrate him or cut him open with a butter knife. But they seem... understanding. Maybe because she's not a child like him. She's an adult. She deserves better than have a teen as her baby's father. God, she deserves someone who remembers her name. It took her coming to his house and throw in his face the Big Truth for Jeno to learn her name. Yeeun. Yeeun, who's young, too, and is having a baby.

He wants so badly to ask if she's sure it's his, but Jeno knows it'll do nothing more than just offend her and her parents. Besides, she's nearly two months pregnant, which matches spring break, when they...  _ that  _ happened.

As much as he longs for comfort from his best friend, he can't be more relieved that he isn't here to watch the horror show which Jeno's life is about to become. He can already visualize the rest of his summer looking for a job—or multiple ones—, stressing out and hearing the town's people talking behind his back, because they'll know. They always find a way to know, but he doesn't care about this. What he can't stand is Donghyuck thinking any less of him, especially after the many times he begged to meet his supposedly 'girlfriend', and Jeno telling him she is nothing his, just someone he met at the party. And now, here he is, about to father the girl's child and probably raise it with her, because that's what fathers do, don't they? Even the ones that leave, like his, or die, like Donghyuck's.

He remembers when, the night right after the party, Donghyuck was laying beside him on his bed holding his hand to play his fingers as they shared earphones with Queen blasting through their ears, the volume in the highest and Donghyuck's phone was protesting against it, warning they'd be deaf if they kept it going, but they didn't care—especially Jeno, who could only concentrate on Donghyuck's hand touching his. He was so into blankly staring at the ceiling that he only noticed that Donghyuck stopped headbanging to We Will Rock You once the boy took Jeno's earbud and asked about his first time.

And he remembers that he was stupid enough to give back a stupid question like, "First time on what?"

And Donghyuck had rolled his eyes and simply answering with a "Fucking, dumbass."

Only with that, and Jeno was blushing, and good thing it was dark enough in his room for Donghyuck to notice his red face. "I already told you, I can't remember." He tells the truth. "I was wasted. Don't even recall her name."

He felt more than saw Donghyuck's chest expand with his inhale before he said: "You don't even remember your first time? Then I guess it... doesn't count."

Jeno was about to retort back with something about how it does count because he isn't a virgin anymore and that'll never change, but then they fall into a comfortable silence, Queen still blasting through the earphones on top of the sheets, but just loud enough for Jeno to hear the faint beat of the end of the song, and it was so familiar—Donghyuck, the music, his room, the moment—that he let himself fall asleep like that.

The music: the element that brought them together when they were kids just out of diapers, and also the element that is supposed to keep them together in the future, when they receive their university's letter congratulating their entrance, request to share a room with each other, go to parties with each other—and hopefully not end up in Jeno making more babies—, and, after they are done with uni, travel the world, search a place to live together... That's been their plans throughout all those years, and he would fight for their dream any other day.

But today, when he receives this kind of news, he realizes one can't just live off of dreams.

Yeeun is about to go to her final year in college, see her belly swallow up and get sick while her friends live their lives to the fullest on their senior year, while she has to it down and watch, and the least Jeno can do is give her all his support, because, after all, he's at fault too. And if the admission letter telling him he didn't make it wasn't enough, it is when Yeeun comes to him another day and begs to help her raise the baby right here, on this town, where she feels comfortable and safe with her parents' presence, and  _ oh,  _ she can already envision their future: a nice house right next to her family, dressing up their child for Christmas and Easter, and Jeno wants to scream. He wants to turn around and run away from her and her words, but he doesn't. Because Jeno is a people pleaser, and Donghyuck's disappointment will be easier to deal with than the rage of this girl.

So, when Donghyuck comes to his house right after his shift in his brand new part-time job on the only town's cafe, using the front door and waving a letter in the air, yelling _I_ _did it, I did it, I did it! Jeno, we did it!_ Jeno has to bite his lip hard not to cry while he shows his own letter and promises his best friend he's going to try again next year.

He never does.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The instant Jeno presences Yeeun giving birth to their child, he knows she's not going to stay for long. It's a girl, and Yeeun opts for taking a nap instead of holding her newborn, letting Jeno take the baby into his arms first. He blames it as the factor for feeling so deeply and instantly bonded to the child as he holds the red-faced crybaby to his chest, but he can't help but side-eye Yeeun on the hospital bed, hair splayed on the pillow and fully awake, staring at the ceiling.

Jeno, on a panic-induced childbirth research, once read an article about postnatal depression, and this knowledge haunts him as he regards her, now halfheartedly aware of his baby's weight on his arms and the cry resonating through the hospital room. Yeeun parents are there, of course, so Jeno decides is time for them to take their grandkid, barely making out what they've been saying ( _ Look at her! She has hair!  _ The man said to his wife,  _ Doesn't she look like a Yeojin to you? _ ).

He knows Yeeun is tired, and not only for giving birth. Jeno knows she misses the life she had before this mess began, and he surely knows she might regret the day they met. And Jeno also knows she's going to leave.

His fears are heightened when she appears alone at his door, eyes tired as if she's been awake since the start of times, suitcase in a hand and car keys in the other, keys from the car parked right in the middle of the street at 2 am. She's saying goodbye. Jeno understands, he really does, so he tries to suppress the anger from bubbling up the surface because Yeeun is leaving him with a bunch of adults that had  _ and _ raised children, who probably knew how to do it properly (unlike Jeno), and most probably wouldn't let Jeno figure out the ups and downs of parenthood by himself.

But Jeno, of course, is a people pleaser. And lets her go, but not before offering a package of Double Stuf Oreo, because he knows she's going to need it through the trip to college.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


At the very beginning of their forced separation, Jeno and Donghyuck keep contact, texting each other all day (even when Donghyuck's in class, what Jeno has insisted so many times for Donghyuck to  _ not _ respond back if he's busy, but it fell on deaf ears) and video chatting whenever they can, which is usually at night, when Jeno's just came home from repairing cars all day, taking advantage that the gap between America and Korea's time zones are so wide that when Jeno is about to have his dinner, Donghyuck is having breakfast. Jeno's always the one who either falls asleep to Donghyuck's soft babbling or ends the call when his Mom unexpectedly comes up, a child sat on her hip and yelling a greeting to Donghyuck, who doesn't get the chance to reply back nor see her because Jeno is scrambling to hang up and turn off the phone in sheer dread of Donghyuck seeing... his child.

No, Jeno hasn't told a thing about the most dramatic event that's ever happened to him and which turned his life upside down, made his dreams crumble and possibly lose his best friend, just for being too much of a chicken and keep this enormous secret from him.

And yes, Jeno knows he's a fool. He knows Donghyuck would be there for him if he'd only told the truth, and that Donghyuck of all people would never judge him even if Jeno went insane and decided to run down the streets with nothing but a thong and disheveled black hair. He'd probably even go along with it. But that's not the point right now. The point is that Jeno is a  _ big _ dumb, and he can't help but bully himself every single day with thoughts about how he could've had it all: he'd confess to Donghyuck about his daughter, Donghyuck would come dashing back home to find Jeno alone with her, both sad and hopeless just to see Donghyuck at the door and break into huge smiles, Yeojin trying to reach him with grabby hands while Donghyuck would kneel in front of them and declare his undying love for Jeno.  _ Oh _ , how much Jeno wishes to hear Donghyuck saying he's felt the same about him their whole lives.

But he's never going to. Because he's a chicken. Chicken!  _ Bok bok! _

Back to the point, in the beginning, they keep contact. As the years roll on... they don't. Well, they don't lose total contact. It just got to the point where they'd just talk once every three months (if one of them remembered).

That's why that when Donghyuck sends Jeno his third text this month, he starts to think something is off.

He's just woken up, a path of dried drool on the corner of his mouth and only an eye open so he can reach for his nightstand, tapping his hand around in search of his phone blowing up with two messages, glaring at the sudden burst of light coming from the screen and ignoring the notification of the nth of his Mom’s latest Instagram post that probably consisted of a selfie of her with her hand up just to show off her wedding ring, Jeno squints to read.

**duckie <3**

hey

leave your window open

And Jeno, as expected, starts to sweat. What does that even mean! Is Donghyuck implying that...? Oh, God. Maybe he is. He's so in awe he can barely send a dumb " _??? _ " reply, in which he receives back a smiling winky face from Donghyuck. And that's enough to confirm his fear.

The thing is that Jeno's 4-year-old daughter isn't the only secret he's been keeping from Donghyuck. Add that and the fact he moved out from his Mom's house last summer and you have a soup of lies made to cover other lies. Such as Jeno working in a restaurant and telling Donghyuck he's gotten a raise not long ago so he could see his proud face at least once, when, on the reality, he kills himself every day on a car workshop with a grumpy boss breathing over his shoulder, just waiting for a reason to fire him. Lies keeping Jeno's image intact to Donghyuck's eyes, hiding his pain of being a single father struggling to pay rent while his best friend is on the other side of the world living their dream, sleeping soundly thinking Jeno is just fine.

Any melancholic thought is quickly wiped off his mind as soon as his phone lights up again, a sharp  _ ding _ signalizing Donghyuck just sent him another text. Only it isn't a text, but a picture, which makes Jeno instantly jump to his feet and ignore his blurry vision as he scrambles around for clean clothes, because Donghyuck just sent Jeno a picture of their childhood street.

That's just crazy. Jeno can't even think of words to describe what he woke up for. It's like he turned the Donghyuck Button back on again after years. He didn't even know he has this button yet. He thought he could just live his knew Donghyuck-free life admiring his Instagram photos from afar while trying to move on, in which in Jeno's perception of 'moving on' is just scrolling through Tinder and unconsciously trying to find someone who reminds him of Donghyuck and never swiping left because no one will ever be like Donghyuck. He thought the button would fall in disuse and disappear, just like Lamarck's theory of evolution. But people like Jeno never pass through evolution. He can only hope Yeojin doesn't end up like himself.

In his rush, Jeno forgets about the clean clothes he was supposed to get and finds himself running on his PJ's down the streets, his legs don't respond and go on their own will, dashing to his childhood house without needing Jeno to order them to.

After he moved out, his Mom realized she didn't need the whole house for herself and was about to put an advertisement online to sell it, when one day she just turned to Jeno and said "That Yang kid is a friend of yours, right? He came by saying you offered him a discount for renting?" And Jeno cursed under his breath, because he knew Yangyang was hunting for a place to move in with his boyfriend and tried countless of times convincing Jeno to give the house to him (yeah, for free!) when he figured his Mom's plans to sell the house. He gritted his teeth and nodded, because Yangyang renting the house he spent his entire life in was less bad than him owning the place once and for all. And to be very honest, Jeno still has nightmares with waking up on his old bed and instead of finding Donghyuck on the other side, there's Yangyang fucking Renjun right beside him.

Fortunately for Jeno, they've broken up shortly after they moved in together and Yangyang had to find a new place to live as Renjun was apparently the one paying the bills. Jeno can't thank God enough for making Renjun his new best friend, even if he still sees Yangyang every day at work while they share each other's lunches like primary school kids, Renjun is far wiser than both of them and knows how to deal with Jeno's sudden and random emotional breakdowns. Like right now, with him mindless bolting to his door and almost bruising his knuckles while knocking on the door frantically before remembering the doorbell is right there.

The door takes around three minutes to open (but who's counting?) and show a tired Renjun. Jeno doesn't have time to explain the situation nor to say a quick hello. A car has parked right behind him and Jeno shoves Renjun by his naked chest inside the house and slams the door shut in time to see Donghyuck's fluffy blond hair pop out of the passenger's seat. Jeno's been aware of Donghyuck's hair color change through Instagram-stalking, but seeing it in person does  _ things _ to him, thinking and feeling so much he doesn't know where an emotion starts and the other ends. The whole fact that the past love of his life is in the same street with him again after years does much more things to him, other things than sweating, as for an example losing his sense of touch, only realizing he's been holding onto Renjun's chest once the other jabs his hands away.

Jeno only has time to blurt a quick  _ Please, just go along with it _ . to Renjun before the doorbell is going off.

Donghyuck is right there behind that door, and Jeno, like a fool, is on the other side of it. He is stuck on the spot, mind running and overthinking his whole existence. Why would somebody like Donghyuck, someone successful and used to the big city life, go back to their hometown? Not because of Jeno, he hopes. Well, he would  _ love _ to be the reason Donghyuck came back, but if he is then Donghyuck has a big surprise coming. A big four year old lie.

Renjun's face has changed from annoyed to inquiring, probably because whenever he makes to open the door Jeno lunches himself in front of him, blocking the way. His face clearly reads  _ get your life together, man _ . Renjun knows him so well, even when he doesn't know—Jeno believes—who's outside (possibly) waiting for him, and how much this person means to him.

Jeno's only option is to man up and answer the door. Which he instantly regrets the literal second he does it, because if he got so uneven just from seeing a glimpse of Donghyuck, he nearly gets embarrassingly wobbly-legged when Jeno finds himself face-to-face with his old friend. Jeno experiences mild blindness for a second before realizing it was just the sun behind Donghyuck, and not just from Donghyuck's presence alone.

His skin seemed even darker, making Jeno wonder when did Donghyuck last went to the beach, because, if he did, he hadn't posted it on social media. That's an apprehensive thought, it could mean how many things Jeno has lost from Donghyuck's life, besides Donghyuck himself. His eyes still have the same glint he remembers getting carried away into, though they seem more mature—wiser—, far away from the witty boy Jeno once shared his life with. Donghyuck looks like  _ grown-up,  _ having his life together and just out of college, something Jeno might never experience even though  _ he  _ should be the embodiment of a grown-up, having started a family and all, having a job and all, having debts and all, and, with all the stress he gets on the daily just because of Yangyang's antics alone, Jeno suspects he's already growing bald.

But he shouldn't be feeling self-pity right now, not at this moment when he has a whole Donghyuck staring right back at him, leaving Jeno's throat dry and heart speed up a million beats just to sink when he takes a look at who's behind him.

The shadow behind Donghyuck is no one less than freaking Na Jaemin, with a grip on a suitcase that's definitely Donghyuck's and whose car's been used to transport him from the airport to here. Jeno does not know what to think other than  _ fucking hell! _ He can't believe that from all the people in that town, Donghyuck chose to keep touch with Jaemin—freaking Na Jaemin!—instead of Jeno. His head's spinning, not because of Donghyuck's presence anymore, and he doesn't like it not one bit.

Jaemin winks and waves at him with his free hand and Jeno thinks this is finally the time. The time when he finally battles Jaemin to death. There can't be a more perfect time than right now. And he would totally do it (yes, he would!) if Donghyuck didn't bring his attention to himself, automatically blanking his mind and reducing his being into just thinking  _ Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck _ .

"You took so long," Donghyuck starts, a smile finding its way through his lips and arms coming to wrap around Jeno's shoulders. "I was starting to think you really took me seriously with the whole window thing."

And as if on a spell, all of Jeno's tense muscles relax with the sound of his voice and the warmth of Donghyuck's body over their clothes, as if Donghyuck had never left this place, and Jeno almost convinces himself he had just gone home to grab the earphones he left on his nightstand and hurried right back to hang out with Jeno through the rest of the day. But, when they part, something in Donghyuck's face makes the bubble of his fantasy burst. He's almost frozen, looking past Jeno and inside the house, but when Jeno follows his gaze he immediately gets it.

Renjun is still in the same way Jeno left him; in the middle of the room, tired, shirtless, and his hair disheveled. Now, with the attention of the three of them, Renjun cocks an eyebrow, the tease of a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth.

Fidgeting, Jeno waits for them to share greetings and frowns when there are none. For what he knew, Donghyuck and Renjun were friends in the past. But everything that comes out of Donghyuck is: "Oh. Didn't know you had company."

For a moment, he thinks the words are directed to Renjun, because Donghyuck's been blankly staring at him since he noticed the other's presence, but then Jeno gets it: Donghyuck thinks they've been... sleeping together? What an absurd! An abomination! He would  _ never _ sleep with Renjun, even if God offered to take all his stress in exchange for it. Renjun's been his best friend since Donghyuck abandoned the role, though he wouldn't have to need a bribe to sleep with Donghyuck when he was in Renjun's place.

"He's not—we're not—" He hurries to explain and stumbles on his words.

But Renjun comes to his rescue. "I'm Renjun, Jeno's roommate.”

Jeno sighs in relief. That's way better than the explanation he was about to come up with: that they're long lost cousins and won the house as an heirloom. Though that would mean that his Mom had to be dead  _ and _ have a sibling, which, in both cases, is not true.

"I know who you are, stupid." Donghyuck rolls his eyes, but nonetheless laughs it off. "So you're the one warming my spot while I was gone?" And once again, because Jeno is stupid and small-brained, he understands 'spot' as his spot  _ on his bed _ , and starts hyperventilating even after he realizes it's his spot as  _ his best friend _ , and that not only makes him all warm inside by thinking of the oh so good old times when he wasn't prone to baldness and child-free, he now can add 'Donghyuck acknowledgment about  _ them _ being in the  _ past _ ' to the top of his list of Things to Cry Before Sleep.

But because Jeno is so tense and in the desperate need of relieving some of the chaos inside him, he tries to make fun of the situation blurting an "Of course not! We have different beds!" before it hits him that no one actually knows their weird ritual of bedsharing besides their moms. Well, besides their moms  _ and _ Jaemin and Renjun now. Their reactions could be expressed as comical—if Jeno was in a good day, that is—, but for now he can only really revel in the great satisfaction of seeing Jaemin's jaw drop, even if it lasted for half a second, ignoring Renjun's questioningly raised eyebrows.

Clutching his hand around Donghyuck's suitcase, Jaemin nudges him claiming they have to hurry up and drop his stuff at Donghyuck's mom and mumbling about why they'd even stopped there in the first place. With this, he comes up to hug Jeno once again, and even though it was a goodbye hug, it doesn't feel like he's going to lose him all over again, even if he's going home with Jaemin, who rolls his eyes at the sight of the two and awaits impatiently at the porch steps as Donghyuck goes to hug Renjun. He's making it really difficult for Jeno to not have dark thoughts.

As Donghyuck is making his way out Jeno's old—currently Renjun's—house, he slides his hand over Jeno's arm in farewell and ends up brushing over the pink unicorn-full bracelet his daughter obliged him to wear. It doesn't look too fancy, just a simple bracelet, clearly made by a child, but Donghyuck is ogling it as if it was a piece of exotic jewelry. It's not  _ that _ special, even. Of course he thought it was at the start, when Yeojin came up and offered a pink bracelet she handmade for him to use and he thought it was an exclusive item that only himself was allowed to have, just to go to work the very next day and see Yangyang wearing the exact same one, only with a different color. When he confronted her for betraying their bracelet-pact, Yeojin showed her red one (the same color as Yangyang's!) and told Jeno he would have one too if his name was  _ Yeno _ . Because, apparently, she's founded a Y-lettered clique that doesn't only have Yangyang on it, but also grumpy Yuta, his  _ boss _ .

Intimidated by Donghyck's intense stare, Jeno covers the bracelet in instinct, what makes Donghyuck shake himself out of whatever trance he'd been on, and, clearing his throat, he flashes Jeno a quick smile before turning around and leaving.

And maybe Jeno is in a Hyuck-stupor or what, because he swears there's Donghyuck's voice at the other side of the door hissing what he thought was ' _ you didn't need to get out of the car _ '. And maybe Jeno is dumb enough to get his hopes up.

Renjun, who at some point managed to get a shirt, breaks the sudden silence. "I'm gonna be real with you," He says, holding his arms against his chest. "I thought Yanggie was just exaggerating about it, but..."

Jeno shots him a  _ don't-even _ glare and he shuts up (for now), but not before rolling up his eyes and leaving, going probably back to bed. It's understandable, it's only 7 something am.

But then Jeno calls for him as soon as Renjun puts his foot on the stairs. "Can I... like, live here for a while?"

Renjun scowls at him.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Right the day after, Jeno and Donghyuck choose to meet in the old (and only) cafe in town. It's by far the calmest day he had in a while, with Donghyuck sipping on a mocha while Jeno gulps down a plain black coffee—a must when you have a small kid—, not doing anything but cherishing each other's presence after so long apart. Well, that's what  _ Jeno _ is doing, he can't possibly make out what goes through Donghyuck's mind. Hell, he barely understood him most of the time even when he was a constant in Jeno's life! Now, Donghyuck just... became almost unreachable, instead of just unreadable.

It's all fun and games until Jungwoo, who Jeno only knows him for being  _ also _ an old friend of Donghyuck's, brings the dessert to their table, a small molten cake they agreed to share but Jeno just  _ knew _ he'd have to buy another one if he wanted a taste. Donghyuck takes a look at Jungwoo and suddenly decides he's not hungry anymore, and although Jeno is extremely confused, he gets up and asks for one more cake to go with Donghyuck waiting outside, the latter awkwardly staring at the ground.

Once he's joined Donghyuck outside and they start they trek to nowhere, Donghyuck confesses he's not really up to meeting so much familiar faces all at once, and Jeno feels like the stupidest old best friend to walk on Earth for forgetting that Donghyuck worked at that same cafe long time ago. He regrets to have drunk the black coffee, considering that's a so Na Jaemin drink and he remembers, clear as day, that Donghyuck had mentioned he'd gotten the job to amaze Jaemin with, he quotes, his brand new  _ sexy coffee brewing skills _ .

But at least the 'not wanting to see so much familiar faces' raises Jeno's self-esteem enough for him to think that him, Jeno, is one of the prestigious people from his past who Donghyuck gets to willingly see, what also raise his hopes that Donghyuck had came back because of him.

Stealing a glance from the tanned boy by his side, Jeno itches to make this question: it's on the tip of his tongue, but, because Donghyuck looks so distant, he can't bring himself to ask whether he missed him back. Because Jeno sure does. Badly.

"So," Donghyuck begins, hands tight on the package containing the cafe's sweets. "How's everyone?"

"You've just seen Jungwoo, why didn't you ask him yourself?" Jeno sure realizes he could've worded it in a lighter way, and sound less harsh, and the way Donghyuck looks weirdly at him, even a little hurt, makes Jeno wish he could bite the words back into his damn mouth.

"I just want to know from your point of view," Donghyuck mumbles, kicking a rock out of the way with the tip of his sneakers. "What has people been up to while I was out?"

The thing is, Jeno doesn't really know what to say. Donghyuck wants to know about his friends, but Jeno's never been someone that is all over someone else's business, especially when he just talked to them because  _ Donghyuck _ talked to them.

The next minutes consist of Donghyuck shooting names Jeno barely recognized with hopes he would feed Donghyuck with the barest of the gossips. He can only talk about Renjun, since he's the only mutual they have at the moment, but Donghyuck doesn't seem so much of a fan of his by now.

They decide to go to the park and sit on the grass, watch the few people walking their dogs and playing with their kids, making Jeno realize he hasn't taken Yeojin out to play in a while. He makes a mental note to take her to the movies this weekend.

"Haven't you been keeping in touch with any of them?" Jeno inquires, secretly wishing for Donghyuck to say  _ no, Jeno, you were not the only one I completely ghosted _ . But he receives something worse.

"Well, I have..." Donghyuck side-eyes him. "Jaemin."

Jeno instantly regrets asking, heart sinking into his chest. He swallows. "But... Isn't it awkward?" A look of slight confusion from Donghyuck makes him stutter to explain. "I mean, isn't he , like, your ex?"

Chuckling, Donghyuck lightly slaps Jeno on the chest, what makes Jeno flinch, surprised. Donghyuck  _ never _ does that. Well, not before. Donghyuck looks him right in the eye when he says, "We never dated, Jeno."

Clearing his throat, Jeno tries to not be affected by Donghyuck not-so-subtly moving closer. "I know. Um. You never really told me what you've been up to." He never needed to actually tell him, though. If he won a penny for every picture of Donghyuck he's seen only  _ this month _ , he'd have enough money to buy his house back from Renjun. So he already sort of knew what Donghyuck's been up to for the last four years, or at least what Donghyuck let the public see.

"Right." Donghyuck suddenly rests his head on Jeno's shoulder, fingers playing with the grass under them. "You know...this and that." He snorts, and then turns his head (still on Jeno's shoulder) to look at his face. "But  _ you _ . Tell me about you. What have you been up to? You still listen to Queen every night before sleep? Because I'd be very disappointed if you don't."

Jeno still does, and Donghyuck bringing it up— _ remembering _ it, for starters—makes him blush furiously from the tip of his ears to where his neck disappears into his shirt. But still, he has to come up with something to answer Donghyuck's question, something that doesn't incriminate him or give away the intricated webs of lies he's built between them. He obviously can't go and say he'd knocked up someone and got her pregnant on Donghyuck's absence, nor can he tell him about his adventures of being friends with Yangyang and Renjun and making the stupidest decision of his life of proposing them to be Yeojin's godfathers. But for the subtle glances Donghyuck keeps giving to his bracelet, he clearly wants Jeno to talk about it. Jeno covers it under his palm.

"I, uh..." He runs his mind around something to tell Donghyuck, but there's nothing that won't make Jeno have to confess everything out, so he stupidly blurts, "I...cook. Like, in a restaurant."

Donghyuck lifts up his head from his shoulder, staring at him as if he already knows he's lying. He squints at Jeno, but still keeps an easy smile on his face. He giggles. "Cook as in instant ramen?"

Clutching a hand over his chest, Jeno doesn't know whether he's pretending or not to be offended. He has to admit, he's never been the greatest cook Donghyuck might've seen, but he's not that bad now. If he got a four-year-old to like vegetables with his homemade pizza sauce, he can honestly make anything. "I improved a lot, you know. Adult life really changes us."

Donghyuck snorts. "Don't even tell me." Then he inches  _ even closer _ , and he's definitely surpassing Jeno's personal space, but he can't do anything about it other than completely freeze up and stare at space. "I'd love to try your cooking, then."

"Um, also, Donghyuck?" Jeno finally builds courage, words almost getting stuck on his throat. "Why—Why did you come back?"

Donghyuck looks at him as if Jeno's messing with him. He's so not. "Your Mom's wedding, silly!" He cackles, as if Jeno had asked just to make light of the situation, and gives him a friendly punch on the shoulder. "What else would it be?"

Jeno doesn't answer the question.

  
  
  
  


Apparently, Jeno might've really been the only person Donghyuck lost touch with; he had even been talking with Jeno's  _ mom _ all along! It was indirectly: she had invited Donghyuck's mom and told her to bring him along, but still, it hurt Jeno so bad he had to pause for a moment when he got home (his actual place, not Renjun's house), breathing in and out in hopes he wouldn't cry. It'd be useless, and it's his own fault for being where he's at right now. Fuck his cowardice and fear of judgment. And what if Donghyuck knew he had a child? What if he thought Jeno's an unlucky small-brained person? What if he pitied him? There's no reason for keeping the lies, especially now when he has Donghyuck so close to him again and that's Jeno's chance to grab him and never let him go.

And that's when Jeno decides he's going to tell Donghyuck. Not now, not tomorrow, maybe not until his mom's wedding day, because he's a wimp like that, but Donghyuck's not leaving until Jeno fess up and rebuilds their friendship.

Only if he could keep promises like that.

He's tempted to grab his phone and just message him right now, make a list why Donghyuck should hate him and then pretend he was drunk texting the next day and end up not resolving anything, and he  _ does _ grab his phone, but texts Renjun instead, begging for him to take care of Yeojin for a day as his mom is in the verge of a pre-wedding stress breakdown and can't bear to have children around these days. And sending a puppy-eyed emoji, Jeno asks to borrow Renjun's house and food for tomorrow's night.

And that's how Jeno ends up with Donghyuck in Renjun's kitchen with two sets of plates on the small three-legged table, the same one they grew up on while Jeno's mom fed them with non-vegan breakfasts as they giggled sneakily as if they were committing a crime. Though right now they're still eating non-vegan stuff (the only thing not animal-friendly is Jeno's meat sauce on the spaghetti, which is also loaded with vegetables, so that must even out things).

The night is going pretty well in Jeno's humble opinion. That is, of course, if you ignored the fact of Donghyuck finding a small pink kids' backpack with a Disney princess printed on it resting against the wall at the entrance, because apparently Renjun  _ forgot _ to check Jeno's text about the time he was bringing Donghyuck and Yeojin had to be away to avoid a very awkward interaction.

But he accused Renjun before knowing further, for the only thing Renjun forgot was to take the backpack with them (what he now knows after opening it and finding it brimming with snacks, that Renjun was planning into sneaking food into the movies), and now, as Renjun explained through text when Jeno questioned about the bag, he has to use his own money to buy the sweets Yeojin demanded. Though he still had to explain why there's such thing laying around a grown-up men's house. And, unsurprisingly, Jeno gave the dumbest explanation he could think. He says it's from  _ Renjun's _ child. Donghyuck raises his eyebrows so high Jeno feels offended. What does that look is supposed to mean? But Donghyuck doesn't say anything until they get to the table and start to eat.

Humming in appreciation, Donghyuck seems to approve of his cooking skills, and Jeno can't be more satisfied. Well, he could, if he could only stop overthinking about whether or not it looks like a date, or if Donghyuck seems to mind at all if it does. Maybe he overdid it with the candles. He shouldn't have put them on. For God's sake, this isn't a date! Or is it? Biting his lip, he ponders if he should voice his questions out to Donghyuck, but Jeno hates how distant from his old reality he seems, all dark-skinned from his vacation and a fresh diploma on hand, ready to start his life. He can't say a word to him without fearing sounding stupid.

He catches Jeno's stare as he goes in for another bite of pasta, smiling the best someone can while chewing his food. Jeno also takes another forkful of it and stuffs it on his mouth, trying to overlap his insecurities with spaghetti.

"Is it too much?" Jeno finally asks, nodding at the candles flickering in the middle of the table, between their plates.

Shaking his head, Donghyuck says, "Of course not." And the smile he flashes at him is so fond Jeno can almost fool himself into thinking Donghyuck was back in town for him and only him. "I like how you put on a show for me. It's cute."

Heat crawls up Jeno's cheeks, and he immediately shoves more pasta down his throat on an attempt to cool down. And when he lifts his eyes back to check if Donghyuck noticed his flustered state, he finds Donghyuck's gaze glued on his mouth.

It's overwhelming. He hasn't felt like this... in a long time. It's like Jeno's inner self had completely lost interest on anyone else but Donghyuck, and the very last time he really felt his heart absurdly pound like this was... with Donghyuck. It's always been Donghyuck.

It's overwhelming. He hasn't felt like this... in a long time. It's like Jeno's inner self had completely lost interest on anyone else but Donghyuck, and the very last time he really felt his heart absurdly pound like this was... with Donghyuck. It's always been Donghyuck. He manages to recognize the sound of a loud thud, and maybe it's just his heart beating or his head detaching from his body and falling on the plate of spaghetti, or could be both. Anything is possible right now. Especially when Donghyuck's hand comes to rest on his cheek and stays there, Jeno's mind fuzzing and feeling his heartbeat on each and every part of his body.

Donghyuck doesn't pull Jeno's head to his direction and kisses him, as Jeno was fervently hoping to. He touches the corner of his lips, swiping his thumb through it and making Jeno realize that he probably looked like a fool for getting his face dirty while eating spaghetti. What is he, a child? But his embarrassment, everything and anything that could possibly be in his mind vanishes away as soon as he feels Donghyuck's finger push inside his mouth.

With his body freezing up and lips closing around Donghyuck's thumb, Jeno's life flashes before his eyes. What he's doing... that's just unthinkable, even for Jeno's wildest fantasies. Did Donghyuck change that much to the point that his unpredictableness became unpredictable in itself? Donghyuck had never been this daring, especially with Jeno. He doesn't know what he did with Jaemin back then (outside from the random make-out spots around school) to become this shameless. Maybe it hadn't been Jaemin, but the fruit of going out for college. Or maybe Jeno's finally found a way to materialize his dreams into reality. What is it called? Law of attraction? It must be, for this is the most attracted (and flustered) he's ever been with Donghyuck.

On the other side of the table, Donghyuck is still eyeing his mouth, digit lightly brushing over Jeno's tongue. But on the other side of the kitchen, planted on the doorframe is a gaping Renjun holding hands with a confused Yeojin. Jeno practically spits Donghyuck's finger out of his mouth.

She points at Donghyuck. "Da—" She starts.

Renjun's hand flies over her mouth. "Yeah, Yeojinnie, that's Donghyuck, remember him?" He starts to drag her out of the kitchen. She has a cotton candy tightly around the small hand, fighting Renjun when he tries to take it away from her so it doesn't stick into his hair when he carries her upstairs. "Keep doing... whatever you were doing!"

Jeno doesn't know whether he actually hears his muffled laughter as he leaves.

Neither of them has the guts to make a comment about the whole finger-in-mouth episode, especially Jeno, who tries to ignore the fact that he had almost sucked Donghyuck's digit as if it were a lollipop. But at the very least, Donghyuck's face seemed to be as red as his own feels as they finished dinner and drowned into awkward conversations.

As soon as they finished the meal, Jeno grabs Donghyuck's hand which almost knocks a  _ very _ expensive glass of wine off the table making Jeno unattractively flinch, kind of expecting Renjun to pop out of the hallway and shout at him for breaking his stuff. He takes Donghyuck to his backyard, for he can hear Yeojin's shrieks as she plays with Renjun upstairs and he's tremendously afraid she might say something incriminating for Donghyuck to hear and possibly make him hate Jeno.

Outside is chilly, cool enough to soothe his flushed cheeks when he realizes he's still holding onto Donghyuck's hand, quickly letting it go.

They lay down on the grass and stare up at the stars, just like they did when they were children. Only they did it at daylight to spot animal forms on the clouds. At this time of the night, they'd be probably on bed listening to Queen or Michael Jackson and lipsyncing they lyrics so they wouldn't disturb Jeno's mom.

They stay in silence, breaths in sync and hands almost touching. Jeno really wants to ask why Donghyuck did  _ that _ , but he fears that Donghyuck might have regretted it and if he touches the topic, it would be so awkward he'd lose any progress he's done to know this new Donghyuck. Was that so he could get rid of the pasta sauce? But there were napkins! He made sure to put napkins so he wouldn't have to deal with this sort of thing. And was Jeno's saliva less gross than spaghetti sauce? Or did he just  _ wanted _ to do that?

If Donghyuck were able to read minds... Oh, that would be either the solution to all his problems or the key to the gates of his personal hell. He'd know about Jeno's feeling in a less embarrassing way and maybe cease his pain from overthinking with answering all the questions he's afraid to ask. Maybe he would've waited a bit more before agreeing with being friends with benefits with Jaemin so Jeno could confess as he'd planned to. Maybe their story would've been different. But Donghyuck is no mindreader, and Jeno is a coward.

Suddenly, Donhyuck shuffles onto his side, lifting himself on his elbow so he can look at him, and Jeno is afraid of looking at him. Even when he can feel Donghyuck's breath tickling his cheek, eyes fixed on his face as if he  _ can _ indeed read through Jeno. He only looks up at Donghyuck when the latter is already standing up, wiping the grass off his clothes while still gazing down at Jeno, a gentle smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

He opens his mouth to say something, which Jeno never hears because he seems to hold it back and just says. "It was really nice, thank you. Well, don't forget cake tasting tomorrow. " And heads off before Jeno can stop him.

Not like he was ever able to stop Donghyuck from doing anything. Even from having his heart.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Once he and Donghyuck went through a phase where they would be skipping school just so they could waste their time playing addicting on-line battle games on their phones while stuffing their faces with as many lemon cheesecakes they could afford (which was usually only one if they were lucky). That was in seventh grade, and he remembers that there was this specific day when they decided it'd be a great idea to skip an English exam because they didn't study and 'borrow' money from their moms so they could devour an abnormal amount of cheesecakes until they get sick and get a doctor's note for absence. It made sense back then, for they hadn't studied a word for it.

They ordered around twenty big pieces and Jeno remembers how his mouth watered at the sight of all the sweet he could overdose on for a day. It felt like a birthday. Well, for about the first half-hour. After the fifth piece, both of them already felt nauseated and suddenly the plan felt not so perfect. He remembers he had to eat it  _ all _ after Donghyuck commented about how wrong of them would it be if they wasted food. The next thing he knows he's clutching his hand over his stomach hard enough for someone to think Jeno was dead bound on ripping it off his body. Both Misters Lee walked up into the cafe—the same one Donghyuck would work on years later!—and they were  _ livid _ . Apparently, one of the staff called their moms and Jeno can't recall a day when he was more bitter about living in a small town.

After all the screaming they received and all the puking they did, both boys actually went to see the doctor and managed to get a doctor's note out of it. But it didn't feel like a win when Jeno's body reacted so wrong at the point where his mom started to wonder if he was lactose intolerant and, the day after, they were forbidden to go to each other's house or hang out at all.

Jeno's stomach has never been the same since then, and his not as much of a fan of sweets as he was before that, so he blames his stomach twisting into a knot on that traumatic experience, not because Donghyuck is extra breathtaking today, even with cream smeared on his face, a spot he missed when he swiped a red tongue over his lips after taking a bite of what seems like buttermilk cake right when Jeno arrived (late).

He's instantly attacked by his mom, who squishes his cheeks and aggressively smooches each one of them. "Darling, why didn't you bring little Yeojin along? She'd sure be in bliss to try some cake."

From the corner of his eye, he sees Donghyuck's head snap up from where he's sat with his mom. If Jeno had a click remote, he'd go back to when he was still tucked in bed, when his day was still relatively lying-free. He  _ knows _ he's told her to not talk about it when Donghyuck is around, but he should've known his mom is not the best in the subject. Though she tries to laugh it off and play it cool, as if she hadn't just made everything harder for Jeno already. But he's not going to be mad at her. After all, is  _ her  _ wedding cake tasting, so he just lets her walk off blame-free to examine some of the shop's cakes while being followed by two wedding planners hot on her feet, which one he knows has a number for name and the other once stole his Halloween candy when he was younger (or was it the same person?).

He didn't bring Yeojin for obvious reasons, one of them being the very boy sitting not far from them and had to bribe the girl with more sweets so she would stop throwing a tantrum over it. He's a terrible father, and she might be still sulking, but that seems like a Renjun's problem for now.

Surprisingly, Donghyuck doesn't question it, what is awesome and all, but the old Donghyuck would always speak his mind to Jeno, and the fact that he's clearly heard it and decided to keep whatever he's thinking to himself makes Jeno sweat in fear.

He approaches Donghyuck and Mrs. Lee, greeting her as if they hadn't talked in years even though it had been less than two days, but it appears that's the only way to greet parents when you've had their son's finger up your mouth the night before while said son eyes you intensely right beside them.

Jeno gulps and sits beside Donghyuck, which is a mistake given this angle makes him stare right into the smear of cream on Donghyuck's mouth. And Jeno's determined to pull off the same trick Donghyuck did with him last night, but before he has the chance, a tall boy shows up with more trays of cake samples.

"Jeno?"

"Yukhei?"

Yukhei had been Jeno's lab partner sometimes in high school when Donghyuck was too busy skipping classes to think about introverted Jeno partnering up with a stranger, but with time they had become somewhere between colleagues and friends. Not friends enough to keep in touch, though. Jeno suddenly had to suppress the urge to hide, just like he uses to do when he catches the glimpse of someone he knows on the streets, finally realizing how it must've felt to Donghyuck to unexpectedly meet Jungwoo at the cafe that day, but Jeno already showed he clearly remembered his name, so there's nowhere to run. And besides, it's not like Yukhei knows about his life anyway, so he's safe from Donghyuck to know any more compromising surprises.

"Oh, shit. So you're Hyuckie?" Yukhei points at Donghyuck, who is wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Oh, man, I didn't even recognize you! You changed so much!"

Answering with a polite smile, Donghyuck nods at Yukhei's shirt, which Jeno just noticed is not what a staff would usually wear to work. It's all black with a badly printed word Jeno can't make up what it is. Or maybe the poor lettering was intentional, he doesn't really know. Yukhei beams at Donghyuck's observation, putting the tray of cake down which is instantly attacked by Mrs. Lee the second it reaches the table, leaving Jeno wide-eyed and questioning his existence, for he'd never seen Donghyuck's mom eat something not vegan his entire life. He wonders if his own mom finally managed to contaminate her with her heavenly pancakes in the short time span he's been internally screaming over her son's existence.

Stretching the fabric of the shirt, Yukhei proudly says "It's from my boyfriend's band. They're about to perform this weekend! I'm making my best promoting without sending text chains to people." He gazes down at them, a hopeful glint in his eyes. "Will you guys come along? Please! I'll give you guys a ride!"

"What's the band name?" Donghyuck asks.

Yukhei frowns down at his shirt, and Jeno realizes it's not only him who can't read what's written on it. "Um. Helpless? Hiveless? Uh, it probably isn't hiveless. Maybe Hopeless? Yeah, I guess so." He seems to give up, sitting in front of them after greeting Mrs. Lee, who doesn't stay longer, being called by Jeno's mom and happily leaving the reunion of millennials. "They're quite popular, though. Not my biased opinion! They've got, like, 5k followers on Twitter and all that. Oh, and there are people from school in there, you know, Hendery, Yangyang, Dejun, Jaemin, and my Mark."

"Yangyang?" Jeno mutters to himself.

"Wait, Jaemin?" Donghyuck exclaims, then mumbles "He never told me that."

Oh, fucking hell. Jeno shoves a whole piece of sample cake into his mouth.

"Whoa, look! Some of you actually keep in touch with fellow ex-colleagues! Yes, Jaemin's our bass guy. He's pretty good! And he's working on producing a song himself, it's what Mark told me."

It's unbelievable, the fact that Jaemin is always a step ahead of him. He's got Donghyuck first, and now his dream, too? Music is— _ was _ —their thing! Among them, Donghyuck should be the one to do it first.

"Didn't know there was a band in this town." Jeno comments after swallowing dry the cake.

"Of course you didn't!" Yukhei chuckles. "Yangyang told us you barely left your bed since your—"

Jeno doesn't have the opportunity to interrupt Yukhei himself, because his mom starts calling him, demanding them to come and give their opinion on the cake decoration, successfully ceasing any further conversation. Fortunately, Donghyuck doesn't question  _ that _ , either. Channeling all his will-power to focus on his mom's babbling about whether they should change the groom and bride cake topper dolls and put edible red roses around them, instead of overthinking the odds of Donghyuck be already suspecting something. But instead, he starts overthinking about Jaemin stealing his dreams.

A hand finds its way onto Jeno's shoulder. "Are you okay?" Donghyuck looks genuinely concerned, but Jeno can only fixate his eyes on Donghyuck hand sliding from his shoulder to his bicep, and before he knows it, his own hand is resting over Donghyuck's.

"Yeah." He clears his throat. "Do you... perhaps want to go see their performance? To remember the old times."

Donghyuck smiles tenderly and squeezes his arm. "I'd love to."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When the weekend comes by, Yukhei takes them on his van to the music festival out of town, but only after taking them back to Mark's house where Mark had forgotten his phone and after Yukhei realizes he can't text Mark's phone about finding his phone.

They also stop to give Yangyang and Rejun a ride and help him carry his drums inside the van. Jeno gives him a dirty look and demands him to explain why he's been in a band (with  _ Jaemin _ !) and none of them bothered to tell him all these years. Yangyang just shrugged, "You never asked."

When Renjun gets inside the van, Donghyuck turns on his seat to look at him. "So you're a dad, huh?"

Renjun's face turns into an emotion that can only be described as  _??? _ while he shifts his gaze between Donghyuck and Jeno, who is the perfect definition of  _!!! _ and not much of help in the situation, not even to save his own skin. He's too tired of it. And he imagines himself telling Donghyuck everything right then and there. He'd shoot all the hard truths right into Donghyuck's face and just hope for the best, while watching Donghyuck's face slowly turn in red, asking for Yukhei to stop the van, drag Jeno out and scream at him in the middle of the street (possibly earn a slap or punch on the face). Jeno visibly shivers.

"Yeah! Yeojin's my firstborn!" Renjun answers with an evidently forced smile. Jeno stops himself from facepalming

"Actually, Jeno acts as if we didn't mention about the band at all, but we've tried to take Jeno out for a show or two. He's just not into music as he used to." Yangyang provides from the backseat.

Scowling at him, Jeno mumbles that that's not true. Nonetheless, he searches around his mind for any memories of Yangyang or Renjun mentioning about any band, but nothing comes up, only Jeno grieving about his life and/or the lack of Donghyuck in it.

It's already the start of evening when they arrive at the location. The show place is out of town, in an indie music festival in the middle of the woods, loaded with vending booths and a small stage built right in the margin of a lake. They get there right in time to see their performance, though Jeno doesn't really feel that excited to see it, even when it was Jeno himself to suggest they come here. He'd left his glasses back home—not purposely!—so all he can see it's just the big lettering with the band name (apparently, it's called  _ Hypeless _ , not Hiveless, as Yukhei said), not the people on stage.

Perhaps it is from Jeno forcing his pixellated vision too much, giving him a headache, or it's just his own mind listening to his dumb heart, leaving him sad and lightheaded, because it just feels like a typical romcom scenario, where Donghyuck would watch Jaemin playing the bass and fall in love and rekindle their relationship to what was before (or even more serious), and Jeno would be just the dumb pining best friend who never gets his love interest. So before Jaemin's band can end the first song, Jeno excuses himself to take a breath, away from all the noise and sweaty people and Donghyuck's amazed gaze aimed at them.

The first thing he does when he's far into the woods, so far the blasting music becomes just a muffled buzz, is call his mom. Not to pick him up, he already had the share of embarrassing 'mom, pick me up, I'm scared' moment in his teens enough to know he had to man up and deal with things by himself. Jeno calls his mom so she can pass it to his daughter.

"Hello?" At the sound of the high-pitched child's voice, Jeno's body relaxes and he sighs, sliding down a tree trunk and sitting on the ground, back resting against the tree.

"Hi, honey." He chuckles at the protesting noises on the other side of the line. Yeojin hates when he calls her that, or anything but her name, especially if there's anyone else present. She insists on saying she's too old for nicknames, and the only situation she'll tolerate them is when offered cookies. "Have you eaten? Why are you not sleeping?"

" _ Dad _ , it's 6 pm! I only sleep at ten!"

"Nine? And how do you plan in being awake till then, uh? Eight is midnight for you."

Yeojin squeaks in frustration. Jeno is about to laugh at her again, but it gets stuck in his throat when he catches the glimpse of a human figure moving closer to where he's sat on the ground. It's indeed 6 pm, and that means that it's very much dark, and Jeno had been the biggest of fools for going alone into the woods, away from his friends, and he is a split second away from telling Yeojin to call the police, throw his phone on the stranger's face and run his legs off, when the stranger's face comes to an angle where the moon can illuminate his features, and Jeno's tense body instantly relaxes for a moment at the sight of Donghyuck, just to tense up again when he realizes there is a great possibility of Donghyuck hearing his phone conversation. Was he talking too loud? How much did Donghyuck hear? What would he think of it?

Before Donghyuck can come any closer, Jeno whispers a hurried "Love ya, bye." to Yeojin and hangs up, praying for the universe that Donghyuck is too far to hear.

"Who were you talking to?" It's the first thing he says when he approaches Jeno, and the frightened look on Jeno's face might have been misunderstood, because Donghyuck starts to babble. "I'm sorry, I'm just curious! You don't have to tell me. It's just... I've never seen you with anybody before. I mean, I  _ did _ but you said she didn't count... unless she  _ does now _ . Was she the one you were calling?"

Jeno gulps, suddenly feeling not so good with the chilling evening breeze against his skin.

But then, as if the universe suddenly decided to play even more with his feelings, as if Jeno isn't hurt enough, Jaemin's voice resonates through the mic all the way to where they are. "This next song is for Lee Donghyuck," He  _ giggles _ through the mic. "My long lost love affair." And all Jeno can do as a knee jerk reaction is stand up and walk away, because after he said that, We Will Rock You starts.

He can barely make out the shape of Renjun's body running to Donghyuck and sending him a confused look, not because of his lack of glasses, but for the effort of suppressing angry tears as he marched farther into the woods, finding a lake nearby and miserably sitting close to the margin, hoping Donghyuck leaves with Renjun, even when it's pitch black dark and Jeno might get himself killed by either a wild animal or a psychopath if he stays there alone.

"Hey, Hyuck, did you hear? They're singing Queen for you!" He hears Renjun's far muffled voice somewhere behind him.

"I'll go in a bit." It's Donghyuck's reply.

Jeno can hear his footsteps coming closer, but he can only stare forward, trying his best to collect himself and not look so pathetic. Next thing he knows, Donghyuck is by his side, silent, but it isn't like the silence from just nights ago on Jeno's backyard, a comfortable silence.

Then Donghyuck speaks up. "I'm sorry." It's all that he says, and Jeno is about to ask what he's sorry about, Donghyuck starts crying. Suddenly it feels just like that first time Donghyuck climbed his window, and Jeno has the strong urge to just hug him tightly, just like that night, but he stops, abruptly reminding himself they're not that close anymore. So he just settles for darting worried glances his way and put what he hoped was a comforting hand on Donghyuck's knee.

Next, Donghyuck suddenly opens up about why they lost contact, how he gave up music and went to law school instead, because he needed money instead of a dream. In other words, how he feels horrible for throwing their dream in the trash. Jeno wants to curl on the ground and cry, because he now knows Donghyuck has been chewing himself in guilt just as badly as he's been doing himself, if not worse. Jeno messed up as bad as Donghyuck did, and he shouldn't feel like this, but the relief of not being the only at fault for their separation is good enough to reprimand himself for feeling it.

Jeno finally puts his arms around Donghyuck and kisses the top of his head, stroking his back and murmuring sweet nothings into his ear. Seeing Donghyuck confessing makes Jeno inclined to confess his own secret: his daughter. But he doesn't want to tell it like this, with both of them drowning on their own snot, in the middle of a forest at night and a Queen song cover playing in the background being the reason of their breakdown, so Jeno just stays there and hugs Donghyuck tighter.

At some point, they lean even more onto each other, foreheads touching, and Jeno blurts, "He stole our song."

Donghyuck giggles. "We can find a new one." He shifts to look at him. "You know, like a new start and all that."

Jeno thinks they sure can use a new start.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They go back to the performance right in time to pretend they watched any of it, congratulating the boys for doing so well with Jeno pulling the fakest of the smiles when it was his time to hug Jaemin, and although Renjun sends a suspicious look into their direction, he, fortunately, doesn't snitch their crying party in the forest.

It goes well all the ride down to their houses, with Yukhei entertaining the others while Jeno let his thoughts drift away to a happy headspace, especially when Donghyuck's palm finds its way into his thigh, his touch burning through the fabric of the jeans and conceal the will to groan when he has to go with Renjun to his house to keep his dumb lies to Donghyuck. He's dead tired, and walk all the way down the street to bury himself into his own sheets seems like a punishment even more unbearable than parting from Donghyuck for the night. But the promise of seeing each other again makes Jeno less unwilling to let go of Donghyuck's warm body pressing to his side and get out of the car and inside Renjun's house so when the car yanks down the street, Jeno also does.

Life is good, Jeno is content.

But it all cames crashing the next morning, when Jeno is busy fighting against procrastination and doing the house chores and Donghyuck comes in knocking on his door as if escaping from the Devil. Startled by the loud urgent banging on his door, Jeno comes crashing through the living room, forgetting to put a shirt on the way.

Opening the door, Jeno finds Donghyuck with his fist in the air, mid-way into starting another fit of knocking. His eyes widen the slightest bit at Jeno's excess show of skin, and Jeno's sure the red of his cheeks is mirroring his own. He hears Donghyuck mutter something of always being greeted with someone shirtless every time he visits.

Jeno, flushed from head to toe, lets him in, and maybe that was a huge mistake, because he forgot that, for Donghyuck, he should be living with his supposed roommate some blocks up the street, not a small one-room rented apartment with kids toys splattered over every furniture.

"You know how your mom was on that bachelorette party and she took her wedding dress with her?" Donghyuck starts. Too afraid to move or speak and end up activating whatever Donghyuck is holding in, Jeno just nods. "Yeah, so my mom saved it from any accidents and called me in the middle of the night so I could hide it in  _ your  _ house, and when I was about to say sure she sends me this strange address."

_ Fuck _ .

"I was like mom, I know where he lives, I technically grew up in there. But she told me that you've  _ moved _ ."

"Hyuck—"

"But I'm  _ just _ getting to the best part!" Donghyuck laughs, but there's no funny matter. "So I thought my mom was drunk gone too, because how can someone mistake your best friend's house, right? But I went in there regardless, because I was curious. I tried the key on the lock and it worked so I thought, _ well, weird _ . But when I open the door you know what I see?"

Jeno looks down.

"A little girl! A little girl bawling her eyes out because her dad doesn't spend time with her anymore! She thought I was _ you _ and ran right up to the door all excited just to realize I wasn't you. She thinks you don't want her anymore, Jeno. what have you done?"

Jeno inhales and tries to explain. "I didn't want you to find out like this"

"How did you want me to find out, then? Did you ever intend to tell me at all?"

Jeno shakes his head in shame.

Seeming to calm down, Donghyuck exhales through his nose, and his voice comes soft when he says, "She said she's five... was  _ she _ ...?"

"Yeeun is her mom." Jeno confirms. "She left for college. I mean, she stayed a year here to take care of her for a while, but it wasn't the life she wanted, you know?"

That seems to light up a flame in Donghyuck's eyes. Anger. "She left you here. With a child."

"It was my choice, too."

"Of course it  _ wasn't _ ! Jeno, what about your dreams? You gave it all up just because of a fucking fling—"

"It wasn't  _ just _ because of a fling!" He starts to feel his face heating up, and this time is not from embarrassment. "It was also  _ my _ choice, hyuck! Is that so hard to believe that I have a mind of my own?"

"I mean, you were always a people pleaser, so I wouldn't be surprised." Donghyuck spits.

Jeno feels the words like a blow to his face. Never in his entire existence would he think Donghyuck would say something like that, especially in that tone. Flabbergasted, he can't manage to say anything for a few heartbeats "Wow." He finally says. "Didn't know you think that of me."

Donghyuck sighs, cooling down from the explosion. "I really didn't mean it, Jeno."

He tries to start another wave of explaining but Jeno cuts him, "You know what? We were going to put her up for adoption." He says, throat growing tight. "It was  _ our _ decision. I even suggested it. But when I got to take my first look at Yeojin, I got  _ so attached  _ I just couldn't go on with it anymore. I never thought I had fatherhood in me, but at that moment, I knew that a father was what I wanted to be. Not someone who gives their baby away."

He tries to meet Donghyuck's eyes, but he's found silenced, eyes looking down.

"So, yeah, I wasn't pleasing anyone. I just  _ couldn't _ leave her behind. I couldn't go to college and live my dreams if it meant to give her away. She's my new dream, hyuck." He looks at him accusingly. "And you, of all people, shouldn't be judging me for it."

"Well, I got money from it. You got... what? Child insurance?" He snorts. Then he seems to realize that what he said wasn't actually funny, at least not to Jeno, because his eyes widen and his mouth opens, probably to try and make the words come back inside, but Jeno doesn't give him the opportunity to apologize.

"I got one less friend, as I can see. Please leave, Donghyuck."

Donghyuck sighs. "Jeno, I  _ also _ didn't mean that, I just—"

"It's like I _ don't know you _ anymore," he blurts, exasperated. "Like the Donghyuck I know died on the plane to America and some fucking  _ doppelganger _ took over your place or some bullshit like that."

"No, Jeno, I'm the same me. I am!" Tears rolling out of his eyes, Donghyuck comes closer and cups his face, and that's all that it takes Jeno to notice he is crying too.

Maybe it's the heat of the moment or because his heart can't take anymore and finally combusted, be it from hurt or unrequited love and suppressing feelings, he bursts the stupidest confession: "You're not... You don't look like the one I fell in love with."

Jeno freezes instantly, as if his mouth and brain aren't connected any more, and he feels Donghyuck's hand twitch over his cheeks, realizing Donghyuck is also frozen on the spot. Donghyuck is the one to recover first and tries inching closer, but Jeno is too overwhelmed and pushes him away.

Donghyuck starts sobbing and Jeno once again feels the same impulse he felt that night, nine years ago, to just huddle him in his arms and hug the sadness away. Maybe he was really born to be a parent, although he wishes Donghyuck once saw him as more than a family member. Even though Jeno, better than anyone, knows wishes don't come true. Not for him, at least.

"Go home, hyuck."

Donghyuck has his hands hovering over Jeno's chest, but he never touches him, just lowers his arms, giving up on trying to come closer, looking defeated.

"That night when I came by your window and you asked me to go to one of Chenle's parties..." Donghyuck's voice falters and Jeno's heart sinks with the memory. "That night I was supposed to run away. I was going to ask you to go with me, or just... I don't know, tell you everything, I guess."

  
  
  


He looks up at Jeno, who just wants to walk backwards until fall into his bed not far from where they are, shy away from Donghyuck's stare and not come out of his place until the world has been settled down to what was normal again: a time when life wasn't this complicated.

  
  
  


Opening his mouth as if to say something then closing right after, Donghyuck is the one who goes away again, softly closing the door and leaving Jeno behind, just like before.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The day of the wedding starts off already extremely busy to Jeno: his mom woke him up with a call, and after having slept for nearly ten hours after he had the worst fight with Donghyuck and, in consequence, not finishing up his chores, Jeno woke up with a migraine, heightened by the ring of his phone. His mom reprimanded him for sleeping in right on her wedding day and told him to hurry the hell up, there's a ton of decoration for him to sort out before the guests come by ("and to offer me emotional support, too, of course!").

  
  
  


Jeno wasn't involved much into the wedding preparation, so it's the least he should do to help on her big day. Once he got to the place, he instantly finds himself with a full list of things to do waiting for him, but instead of mentally complaining, Jeno starts to work right away, glad to have something to focus on instead of the Donghyuck infestation on his head full of Donghyuck-related thoughts.

"Oh, hi there, darling, are these seats taken? An old man needs a place to rest."

Jeno snaps his head up, finding two figures: Ten and Kun, his mother's wedding preparation duo. The one who spoke to him is Ten, and for a moment Jeno thinks he's referring to himself when saying 'old man', but not a second later the other one, Kun, scowls at him.

"Stop telling people I'm old, we're the same age!" He retorts, but sits on the chair Jeno pointed at nonetheless.

Ten sits beside him, whipping a block of notes and a pen out of his tuxedo, not paying much attention to Kun's words. "Sure we are, darling."

Awkwardly shifting on his seat, Jeno ponders if it would be insulting to just pretend they're not there and keep on with his given work of folding the napkins.

It doesn't make much difference for them, chatting between the two of them and occasionally complimenting Jeno's napkins, while Ten works his pen on his notes and Kun busies himself with an iPad. After some time, Ten pokes his shoulder with the pen.

"Careful not to melt, darling." He says, then points his pen behind Jeno's back. "That boy over there's been staring at you since you set your butt in this chair."

Kun rolled his eyes at him. "Why do you always  _ have _ to make things awkward?"

"Huh? I'm just warning him!"

"Yeah, but don't say it like that!"

"Like how?"

Tuning out of the conversation, Jeno slowly turns on his seat to look behind him. There are already a few guests; mostly family and few close friends. And Donghyuck, sat not far from him, on a table with both Jeno's and his grandparents. Instead of diverting his gaze from Jeno when their eyes meet, Donghyuck shamelessly continues staring at him, and Jeno tries to follow Ten's advice to not melt at his gaze, but if there's something he's sure about is that he'll never be immune to Donghyuck.

Donghyuck makes a move to stand up, probably taking Jeno's lack of enraged behavior as an invitation to come closer. Panicking, Jeno looks at Ten and Kun, as if asking them what to do. They don't say anything, but Ten looks at him as if he knows all his secrets, what makes Jeno panic even more.

The universe seems to take pity on Jeno's poor soul, sending his own mother for his rescue. As soon as Jeno's eyes lay on his phone, reading the text from his mom calling him inside to get Yeojin back, he's darting out of the table and inside the building, not caring about startling Kun and leaving Donghyuck behind.

Once he's indoors and successfully fled the stairs to the room his mom has Mrs. Lee captive helping her with her nerves. With his own nerves on the verge of exploding, Jeno storms inside the room, receiving a scream as a welcoming. The scream came from his mom, hands in front of her.

"You can't see my dress!" She shouts, startling the makeup artist caking her face and the girl doing her hair. Yeojin, at her feet playing with the hem of the wedding dress, instead of being alarmed, bursts out in laughter at the situation, struggling to break free from the grasp Donghyuck's mom has on her, trying to part her from the dress.

"That applies only to the groom, I think." Mrs. Lee says, Yeojin squirming in her arms.

Jeno's mom wides her eyes and drops her hands. "Oh, that's right. How can I forget about that? I was married twice!"

Yeojin comes running to him and Jeno bends over with his arms open so she can jump on him. She looks more than content, and Jeno tries to recall the last time he carried her on his arms, bitterly remembering what Donghyuck had said.

Carrying her back outside and leaving his mom to get ready and almost tripping over a group of four women in the hallway—her bridesmaids, cooing at Yeojin after she apologizes for her father's lack of attention; she literally said: "Forgive this clumsy old guy.", as if Jeno were a middle-aged man.

Jeno starts to make his way to the garden. That is, before he catches a glance of Donghyuck's fluffy hair and makes a U-turn and heads up to the other exit, ignoring the confused noise Yeojin makes and speeding up to the backyard.

But when he opens the door, Donghyuck is already on the other side.

Letting out a shriek and holding Yeojin tighter, making her also scream in surprise, Jeno almost closes the door on Donghyuck's face, wishing with all his soul that Yeojin wasn't in his arms so he could dash out of the emerging very awkward conversation (confrontation?) he's about to have with Donghyuck. And oh, God, is  _ Yeojin _ about to experience this? Does Donghyuck have enough decency to talk to him about Jeno's repressed feelings for him when his daughter  _ isn't  _ there to hear?

He does try to slam the door on Donghyuck, but the latter already has a foot forward, blocking it from closing.

Earlier, he was so drowned in dismay he didn't have the chance to take a full look at Donghyuck. He's wearing a black suit, well fitted and expensive-looking, the type of suit Jeno would never either be able to buy nor one to use at a small town wedding. Jeno remembers when both of them had only one piece of social clothing in which they ended up growing up in, and which Jeno is also wearing right now, all tight and uncomfortable, especially with a child sat on his hip. Now that's only one of them who can't be troubled to afford a nice suit, and that one is Jeno.

That doesn't bother him enough to be upset over it, though. Not when Donghyuck looks  _ this _ fine wearing it.

The sound of Donghyuck clearing his throat drives Jeno's attention back to his face, and suddenly realizing Yeojin had broken free from his embrace and attached herself to Donghyuck's leg. Jeno's sure she'd never seen Donghyuck before, not from photos or video calls, they've only met once, from what Donghyuck's said to him not long ago, but Jeno can't bring himself to be surprised about how Yeojin instantly became friends with him. Everybody loves Donghyuck, and everybody loves Yeojin.

Fortunately, Donghyuck seems to know this isn't the time nor place to scold, reject, ridicule or whatever he was about to do to Jeno. He just boops her head and looks up at Jeno. "Ten told me to bring you back. The ceremony is about to start."

Jeno nods and follows him to the garden, where is already filled with more people, mostly people from around the town, and Jeno cringes when he realizes he might find people from school among them.

Kun and Ten did a wonderful job with the wedding preparation; everywhere is overflowing with white and light blue, his mother's favorite color combination, from the flowers to the altar. At the corner of his eye, Jeno sees two pairs of arms frantically waving in his direction from the other side of the garden: the entrance.

That's his hint to take his mom to the altar. He looks at Donghyuck, who managed to walk with a four-year-old still glued to his leg. "Could you...?" He doesn't finish the question. He already knows Donghyuck will keep an eye on her regardless if he asked him to.

Jeno takes his mom to the altar and gives her hand to the groom, a kind and handsome man who Jeno prays to God will be the last person she marries. Going to weddings every seven years is starting to tire him out. When it's over, Jeno sits with his relatives, drowning in shallow conversation and dodging questions about his personal life. He finds Yeojin running around and playing with the other kids, but no sign of Donghyuck.

Torn between wanting to find him and avoid him, Jeno stays glued to his seat, forcing himself to slowly sip on his drink until the ceremony ends. There's a band playing in the background and Jeno openly rolls his eyes when he realizes it's Jaemin's group, gulping down his drink and nearly choking when he hears Donghyuck's voice resonating through the speakers.

"Nana might have stolen our song, so I'm coming up with a new one!" Donghyuck excitedly announces, turning to say something to the boys before facing the guests—and Jeno—while the intro of Queen's You're My Best Friend starts playing, and Donghyuck starts singing.

Among the millions of things Jeno misses about his old life with Donghyuck, his voice can be found in the top five of his list. He hadn't got much of Donghyuck singing  _ directly _ at him before, so all Jeno can do besides internally scream is control his breathing so he doesn't pass out.

Then Donghyuck stops. "You know what?" He hears him say before turning around again to speak something to the boys that the mic in his hand doesn't catch. Next thing Jeno knows, there's only a guitar and Donghyuck's angelic voice combining into the most beautiful version of If I Can't Have You Jeno has ever heard.

"Gosh! Is he gonna propose?" He hears Ten's voice from behind him, turning to find him standing next to Kun, who's holding a camera pointing at  _ him _ . Startled, Jeno shies away, so distracted with trying to cover himself with a useless hand that much probably doesn't help in hiding him at all, that he doesn't notice Donghyuck descending the stairs and making his way to where Jeno's being bothered by Kun's camera. Not until he's so close he can smell his perfume and hear his voice outside from the speakers and getting down  _ on one knee _ in front of him.

Gasps come from all around him; maybe from his relatives on the table, the other guests or whatever. Jeno can't even dream about properly processing anything at the moment. The next seconds feel like he's about to take his last breath or sell his soul to the Devil, with the Devil being, of course, Donghyuck.

"Can you call me your plus one today, instead of a childhood friend?" Donghyuck asks, a hopeful hand stretched out for him to take.

Jeno really,  _ really _ wishes Donghyuck hadn't chosen a wedding party, of all places, to confront him like this. What is he even saying? He's not mad at him for lying anymore? Or not weirded out by Jeno's sudden confession the other day? Is it his way to tell Jeno it's all okay, and he doesn't have to worry about ruining their friendship, and that they can finally have a new start and learn about each other from scratch?

Or is he...? Jeno laughs inside his head. That can't be possible. At least not in this reality. No, Donghyuck did not just imply about addressing themselves as a  _ couple _ . There's absolutely no reason or contest for it to be happening outside of Jeno's dreams.

Overwhelmed, Jeno thanks God one more time for forgetting his glasses at home, because he sure doesn't want to see all these people—the same people who were so invested in their relationship years back—staring at them as if they are a public attraction  _ again _ . "Hyuck, get up." He mindlessly mumbles, as if to say  _ please, don't play me _ . But Donghyuck seems to take it in the wrong way.

His face falls, hand recoiling and eyes turning away, lifting the mic back to his lips and exhaling a quiet and awkward "Okaay..."

Jeno starts to panic. Is he acting this way because he's disappointed Jeno doesn't want to rekindle their friendship or for Jeno possibly rejecting him? He doesn't have time to think; Donghyuck is turning away from him once again, his mind flashing with all the stages of emotions he experienced with losing a best friend, and can't afford to relive it again, not when Donghyuck seems to finally reciprocate the feelings Jeno thought he would take to the grave.

Rushing to grab Donghyuck's hand before he can flee back to the stage, Jeno curses at himself for spacing out and not having the words to make Donghyuck see through all the years he spent  _ longing _ for a moment like this. And maybe it's the fact that the only person he's ever loved (other than his daughter) is about to slip once again through his fingers or the volume of the speakers that manage to catch Donghyuck's ragged breath through the mic that forces Jeno to hurry and speak up.

"Wha—What do you mean by that?"

From the corner of his eye, Jeno can see Kun readjusting the camera. Donghyuck fully turns to him, the start of a playful glint in his eyes that almost distracts Jeno from the hand inching closer to his neck. "Exactly what you think."

"How do you know what I'm th—" Jeno loses his words when Donghyuck pulls his head to his, and Jeno suddenly feels  _ too much _ . They bump noses when their faces meet, but from there Jeno can barely acknowledge the light sting of pain when he has Donghyuck closer than ever with his  _ lips _ on him.

He thinks he hears his mom shouting " _ Finally! _ " at distance, though it gets muffled by the guests clapping and the sound of the click of a camera.

Still with his lips attached to Donghyuck's, Jeno tries to take a look without stopping the kiss. Now there's Kun  _ and _ Mrs. Lee, each of them holding a camera in front of their faces. He scrambles out, startled, just realizing he got out of Donghyuck's hold just to be pulled in again by the latter.

They only part away when Yeojin interrupts them, sticking like glue to their legs and happily blurting " _ Uncle Hyuckie! _ ", which makes Donghyuck grimace, but still smile, mumbling something about how they have to work on changing it, making Jeno flush red from head to toe with the promise of them having  _ something  _ in a very close future.

When everyone (and his thundering heart) calms down, ready to head up back home (his actual home, not Renjun's, thank God), and Jeno is gathering his stuff to leave, he finds a card with a phone number and an email address ( _ WED-O YOUR WED-DING!) _ and rather than wonder when did Ten and Kun planted it in his things, Jeno thinks  _ maybe one day _ , after he enjoys every moment of relearning everything about this new Donghyuck.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
